QuestionMy husband and I have gone through some major issues since October. My mother
died suddenly in October and soon after my husband revealed he had kissed 2
women over the last year and has had doubts for about a year whether or not he
wants to be in this relationship. We were faced with more prsonal tragedy issues
over the last few months and we are going to couples counselling and he will
soon be seeing someone on his own. Even when he is happy he questions us but he
also questions every aspect of his life, he often seems never truly satisfied.
He tells me that the majority of him wants to be with me but he does not like
having the doubts. I am putting trust in us and giving him some time but is what
he is feeling normal and am I a fool for sticking around? I have given him/us so much and the fact I feel he is still stuck is very frustrating and his doubts feel like a sap in the face and that he is taking me for granted
AnswerDear Cara,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
This is a very difficult question to answer because I have such little information to go on. But I will give it my best try.
In order to fully assess this it would be helpful to know how long you were married and the circumstances under which you got married. What it his idea? Did he feel pressured to marry you before he was ready?
Somehow it sounds like he was not ready at the time for the commitment, or perhaps he thought that he was and only discovered later that married life was not what he thought it was going to be.
Couple that with all of the stress and responsibility that he has had to shoulder recently and I am sure he is feeling quite overwhelmed by the whole thing. If he was not ready to settle down, then certainly all these issues dealing with people dying and other personal tragety is going to make him question what he is doing.
You don't mention your ages, but if you are under 30 there is a good chance that what he expected from being married is not quite turning out as planned. He could also be the kind of person who is never happy or satisfied with anything. If this is the case, there really isn't much you can do about it.
I suggest that he continue his counseling and see if he can determine the source of his displeasure and find a way to deal with it in a mature way. If he cannot do this, I don't see a lot of hope for this marriage. Sometimes people just make mistakes and the best thing for all concerned is to accept that and move on with their lives so that they both can find the person that they can be happy with.
I would give it six months and if things do not improve, then I would consider going your separate ways. It is unfortunate, but sometimes that is the only reasonable solution.
If you could get him to write me, I would love to hear his version of this.
Best of luck to you, Cara.
R. M. French
