Financial Strain in Marriage: Homeownership & Debt Concerns

Question
I was a widow w/ 2 small children when I maried Michael. Since then he has put me 290,000$$ more in debt in my name only. We paid off his bills and remodeled my home  which we, (My chilren and I) had been living for the past six years (before I married) so that his three children would each have a room of their own. He states that if he is going to be making the mortg on the home that it should be his home now . Why should my children get it?(he has his own home across town that is being rented and claims that it his and his alone. I was very disturbed and then I found a letter in the mail that he had successfully changed all of the beneficiaries names from mine to his brother on all of the assets/life ins. policy. He did this behind my back and I don't understand! I have filed for divorce because I feel like I am not being treated like a wife who is secure and protected but rather like someone who is being taken advantage of. When confronted he says that I am not a team player and that he changed the beneficiary so that he could make a trust and that he had every intention of leaving me and the kids secure and able to pay off the newly remodeled home that is way over my head as far as payements go. We tried counseling but even the counselor says he lacks humility and doesn't want to do what best for the marriage he is only concerned with what's best for him. i don't want a divorce but do I really have a choice? Can I trust him even though he ahs already gone behind my back?

Answer
Hi Julie~

It sounds as though he has alterior motives. Since he changed the beneficiary, why should you trust him?  He obviously has something up his sleeve, otherwise he wouldn't have done that to you.  I think you're right for filing for a divorce.  He probably plans on trying to get the home you now live in b/c he knows you can't make the payments (hence why he insisted on remodeling the house).  B/c when you remodel and you add on to a home it brings the value and equity up, so that you get more money when you sell it.  You could have it appraised to see what it's worth.  He could've even had this planned since he first met and married you.  

Unfortunately some ppl only think of themselves and how they can benefit from things in life.  It seems as though your husband is one of those ppl, not to mention a very selfish person at that.  

If you must go through the divorce process, then do so to protect yourself from further debt and ruin.  Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do in life (including divorce).  

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.