QuestionMy husband and I have only one real problem. My husbands addiction to ciggrettes is comparable to common drug addictions. He will make us pennyless for them. He will have massive mood swings without them. His personality changes drastically. He has promised to quit and now my life is being filled with lies and decet from him. He is lieing to me and hiding things from me constantly. I can't even look at him anymore everything out of his mouth is lies. I have tried to be extremely supportive helping him find different methods to quit and im sick of being played as his fool. Im pregnant with our first child together and the stress he is causing is seriously affecting my health and our babies health. I am at my whits end, I don't know what to do anymore. Im considering leaving him which seems silly to say over ciggrettes but this is now my own personal hell now. Am I wrong? I love my husband dearly but I can't deal with the lies and hiding bs anymore. What should I do?????
AnswerHi Katie G~
He's putting poison in his body and exposing you and your unborn baby to it too. He's not only compromising his health but that of your baby and you too. Second hand smoke kills just as many ppl who smoke each year. It's deadly period. It's like placing a cigarette in the mouth of your baby when you inhale that deadly second hand smoke. Even if he doesn't do it around you, it comes in on his clothes, his hair, his breath, not to mention it's like kissing an ashtray. On the other hand, I've had several family members that have been smokers and a couple of them just weren't able to quit (my 81 yo grandmother was a prime example of smoking for decades almost her entire life). So I know just how addictive it can be for a person and what kind of withdrawal they have when they do try and quit. This is why you can't and frankly shouldn't keep putting up with his smoking and his attitude that comes with smoking and trying to quit, etc. As one person there is only so much you can do for him, it's not like you haven't tried to be supportive. He's choosing cigarettes over you and your impending baby and that is NOT okay at all, it's unacceptable and very inappropriate, period.
You are at your wits end and rightfully so. He has to be the one that has to be determined to quit, and there are products out there for him to be successful at quitting. He would take one bad habit and replace it with something else to take place of the smoking. Trust me, he could quit if he REALLY wanted to. My dad was a smoker for many, many years, I'm talking 25-30 yrs and beyond. He quit cold turkey and w/o the aid of any product, he just decided to stop for his health and ours. The unfortunate repercussion of his many years of smoking was he ended up getting Emphysema. If you're unfamiliar with it it is a very ugly and a terminal disease of the lungs. It's where the lungs are stretched to capacity and you have a very hard time (sometimes it's next to impossible) to catch your breathe to breath. Let me tell you it's a long suffering disease too. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy either. It not only affects the person that contracts this illness, but the ENTIRE family unit. I can't tell you how heartbreaking it is to watch someone you love slowly die. It's a merciless disease and doesn't care who it kills. My dad died a year and a half ago (in April of '08) after a long 11 + yr battle with Emphysema. He spent the last two months of his life in a hospital bed wasting away to nothing, I'm talking skin and bones, totally bed-ridden and sleeping a lot. It's very hard for me to talk about, my dad was my world, he meant everything to me and he's not here. I can't tell you how horrible that is for someone to experience in life. Emphysema robbed me of my father, my children don't have their grandfather, my mom was left a widow in her early 60's, my dad was only 65 when he died. So I know how smoking can affect and even tear apart a family. And it's not just Emphysema that kills, cancers, lung disease, etc. You have to ask yourself at the end of the day is picking up a pack of cigarettes worth losing your life and exposing those around you that you love to second hand smoke? That answer for me is a resounding no, b/c I've been through the worst of what smoking causes a person. I see the suffering and devastation it leaves behind in its wake.
Maybe you should show your husband this response and let him make that decision on whether he's now ready to quit smoking or just as bad risk losing you and your infant to divorce b/c you simply can't do this anymore. There is help out there, there are ways/methods and support groups, etc out there for him to stop. If he's willing to accept the help. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it'll be well worth it in the end. If not then he has to be willing to take the consequences that come with choosing to continue to smoke. I hope this helps you some. The choice is yours and it's only one you can make. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
