QuestionI have been married for almost nine years...and I am absolutely miserable. I met my husband when I was 19, and we have been together ever since. I was raised in a very religious family, and my parents were very strict. None of this, by the way, am I blaming on my parents...just background info. We dated a few months, and then we were engaged. All this time, I had doubts, but I did love him. We were married, and things have never been right. His family hated me, even from the start. They would treat me terribly, and he would do nothing about it. I also was the primary provider for our family...and he just worked whatever job someone he knew offered him. I felt taken advantage of, worthless, and not valuable at all. I was and still am very depressed and have a pretty severe eating disorder. I would go for counseling, and it would always bring up issues of how unhappy I was in my marriage, so I would quit. I can't stand for him to touch me, I don't want anything to do with him at all. I don't like to talk to him...I just can't even stand him. It makes no sense because he really is a nice guy. He tells me he loves me more than anything, that I am all he wants. But I feel NOTHING for him, nothing. If he were to come home and tell me he was leaving, I would be so happy that I wouldn't know what to do.
During the early part of our marriage, I was really hurt by the things that he didn't do. I think I just cut those emotions off, so that I wouldn't need certain things from him. For example, I was always the one expected to find the great-paying job and create our future. I did just that, but I hate the fact that I am the provider and his means to everything.
I know I must sound so terrible. He is just so passive. I sware someone could slap me in the face, and he would just cower and run away. I hate that. I dream of what it would be like to be with a man that wanted to care for me, wanted to be there for me, was willing to protect me. I am strong, I am self sufficient. I don't need someone to take care of me, but it sure would be nice to have a man that made me feel valued.
For at least 6 of our 9 years together, I have been so unhappy. I am so tired of living like this. I have days that I just wish I wouldn't wake up.
The worst part of it is that I am not sure what has made me so unhappy with him. I just want to be free of him and how he makes me feel.
AnswerWell it sounds like a trial separation would be what you need. Since you have the money, it shouldn't be a problem. Just let him know you would like to try this because you are not happy, and see how it goes. Don't make the mistake of "finding" someone while on this separation, it will only complicate things for you. After this separation you will know whether to head for a divorce lawyer. Doing things the right way for the right reasons during this time will be essential. There is plenty of time for finding other guys once you are on your own.
Bill
