Navigating Past Relationships in a New Marriage: Is It a Dealbreaker?

Question
dear Donald.
I have been happily married for over a year now. we got married only after 6 months. but there is one thing that bothers me. my husband won't tell me anything about his past. i know he had been in relationships before me, or at least dated some girls. i've been in a relationship too, and he knows aout it. but he never asks me tell more. he says he doesn't even want to think about it, and that we should leave the past in the past.
but i have a different opinion. to me a marriage is about being open. and isn't our past what makes us who we are?
I's appreciate your advice. is there any way i could make him talk to me anout this?

thank you.
s


Answer
Hi Suzanne,

I love your question, and I will tell you why. You have answered it yourself.

You have been married 1 year........and you ask him about his past.  He shares it with you, but he is not ready to share his past relationships with you and that is his inherent right.  He is simply not ready yet.


The beauty of this is that you have a right to ask him, and he has a right to not tell you more about them.  You can insist and jeopardize your relationship by pushing him.  You mention that he doesn't ask you to tell him more about yours.  Have you ever thought that it may be out of respect for you?

I am sure that he is very willing to tell you about his childhood and his school days and what he used to do with the boys, where he went on trips and all about his sports endeavours etc..etc..

What benefit can you currently derive from him telling you about his past relationships with women?


I would suggest that you simply toss the matter aside for the moment and allow him to work with you on defining your relationship as opposed to his past relationships.  You both need to concentrate on what your marriage is......and how to enhance it as you grow together and evolve.

Believe me.........when the time is ripe, he will let you know little tidbits, and most likely without you even having to ask........but do not push the issue.

Perhaps he had some bad experiences, and does not yet want to share them.  He has a right to his personal memories.  He is he, and you are you.  He will share them when he is ready.

find much happiness, Renea.  Life is short.


kind regards,

Don.