QuestionI have been married for over 2 years now. Before I accepted his marriage proposal I asked him to move out of the little town he lives in. He told me that he needed 2 years to do that. After 2 years he said that he is not ready yet and I haven't the wonderful wife to make him move.... He has a small business with his father. Every day he would be at his parents house. every decision is made there. His parents controlled out life at every moment. They new what we had for dinner etc.I tried to talk to him but it only made things worst. I have felt so lonely in the past 2 years.I got excepted at a doctorate program at another city 2 hours away.4 months ago, my husband and I entered in a long distance marriage. We used to talk on the phone every day. Now we don't anymore and he almost never calls unless I do. We see each other on the weekends. He is very connected to his parents and now he is living with them. He just started school as well and seems to enjoy a lot his new friends.He would do everything to get his friends attention, especially the girls. Whenever he is with them partying he never calls.Also when he talks he doesn't say much.I am a very attractive woman and I get a lot of attention from every other man, but my husband. I am 29 years old and he is 27. Are all this things normal in a long distance marriage???
AnswerGrace - the answer is no. These are not normal for a long-distance marriage - or any marriage. A marriage is when two become one. There is no daylight between them. Not parents, not friends, not distance.
I believe the best way to start the path to resolution is small steps, leading to a real reconnection. On your next weekend visit, sit down with him and simply engage him in a conversation about your marriage. Nothing deep or ominous. Just a chat about where things are and where they are going.
Listen carefully to how he responds. Does he speak positively about you and your marriage? Does he speak of the future that includes a continued marriage to you? Your goal in this conversation is to establish a base from which to start.
From your perspective, you need to focus on establishing your expectations with him. You desire a long, happy, and fulfilling relationship - and it doesn't feel like you are on that path right now. Extrapolate your current situation out three to five years. Your relationship stays in its current state, you get your doctorate - then what? Are you still married? In other words, project out your future, decide what you want that to look like - and communicate that to him.
I have one other concern that I need to share with you. As I read your words about you being an attractive women and that you are getting attention from other men - I have been in this business long enough to read a little into that. Is there one man in particular that is paying attention to you? One that you may also be attracted to? Grace - be very careful. Maintain your strength, focus on your marriage, and you will be rewarded with a happy and fulfilling relationship. Focus on what attracted you to your husband, stay focused on him and your relationship. Protect it.
Good luck and please keep me posted. God bless.
David
