QuestionHi... I am 25 and I have been married 7 years and we have a six year old son. I know I got married young and that was mainly to leave to my childhood home. I was a stay at home mom and only finished two years of college and now work a low paying job as a preschool teacher which I love. My husband is the main breadwinner and make s a descent money. I am going back to school in two months to finish college but I feel trapped in my marriage because of the financial responsibilities. We make a great team at raising my son, he is a great father and we disguise our arguments loveless marriage in front of him and others. He is abusive verbally and very selfish, he also tells me that everything i do annoys him. We both have made it clear that we just cant do this anymore yet we both cant stand the thought of not seeing our child everyday, and he threatens to take my son away because he can afford lawyers and what not, he knows I am a good mom but he is heartless and grew up without a mother and thinks that my son wont need me. I am scared to death of this but I just don't know if its the right thing to stick around anymore. Any advice is much appreciated, all I want is a loving marriage so that I can concentrate on raising my son without this dark feeling in my heart everyday. Oh and I also wanted to be honest and say that I am disrespectful to him right back when he calls me names and I feel low because I feel like I have become a monster like him.
AnswerHi Michelle,
I read your message over a few times, and I believe that there is only one thing for you to do, and that is to sit down with your husband and calmly discuss where you are and where you want to be in 10 years from now. I think that you both simply do not communicate enough and I think you have reached the point where you need to either solve the issues together or go your separate ways.
Life does not allot you enough time to waste it feeling bad in a relationship that is void of respect.
Sit him down, gently and respectfully, and make sure you do not lose your cool. If he does, maintain yours and calmly bring him back to discussing his feelings and desires. Express yours and tell him that you need a loving relationship to move forward, and that you wish to find a way to make sure that you both are moving in the same direction.
7 years is a long time to be with someone and not have created a good base for reasonable communications of emotions and desires. Do it now before it is too late.
I hope this helps,
Don.
