Feeling Unfulfilled in Marriage? Understanding When to Consider Separation

Question
I'm sure it seems common, but I feel so alone! I have been with my high school sweetheart for 23 years (married for 12) and we have 3 children (6-17). I know in my heart I do not love my husband. I care for him, but if I could divorce him tomorrow, I would do it. We have had lots of issues (drug addiction and abuse) that have been resolved for the most part, yet it's not enough to make me happy. I know he loves me and has made many sacrifices for me. If we talk about the fact that I'm just not happy, he either cries and begs or gets very angry. The only reason I'm still with him is because he isn't emotionally able to handle it. He doesn't have much support in his life other than me, and I feel responsible for his well-being. But what about mine? I am not faithful to him, although he doesn't know this. We have no sex life to speak of, we don't really enjoy our life together. But how can I leave him without pushing him over the edge emotionally, push him back to drug use, and destroying him? I just want to be happy. I am close to 40, and feel almost claustrophobic at the thought of living my life the way it is now. I've felt this way for years and just don't seem to have the guts to make a move. We had separated for a period of time several years ago, and he harassed me to the point that I took him back because I just couldn't take it anymore. It was easier to take him back and fake a smile. But I'm at the point in my life now that it's becoming harder and harder to do that. When I'm with friends, or just my kids, I'm more myself. When I'm home with him, I'm living a lie. So unhappy, grumpy....What can I do?

Answer
Marie,
You continued having kids with this man even when he was doing all these things you dislike. So now you want to leave and bring disruption into your childrens lives? I don't think that is in the best interest of the kids. Unless there is immediate danger to them or yourself I think the thing to do for your kids is stick it out despite your unhappiness. Once your children are up and out then you can decide if you are going to stay or not. I think in the meantime you stay focused on your kids and their best interest. If this means faking a smile then that is what it means. Kids need a 2 parent house. Now I would also suggest counseling. Couples if you can and individual for sure.
David
www.help4life.net