Reigniting Passion After 20 Years of Marriage: Seeking Intimacy and Connection

Question
I am married for 20 years and need help, I have given all that i can give but i dont know maybe i need help because I have changed not him. I have initiated sex and love our entire relationship and I feel drained and want someone to come after me and make me feel sexy. I know he loves me and I him but the lack of him wanting to talk or turn me on has put a wall up. I decided to see if we would ever have sex if i didnt initiate and it just is not happening, and when it does it is about 30 seconds. I know i don't act like the sex kitten I did, the last 5 months i have not dressed up and entertained and come after him the way i have for the last 20 years, sexually without me doing this nothing seems to happen. i am not unatractive or obese and have men that do look at me so it's not a weight issue I feel so ugly now that i dont initiate sex, he just saw me writing this and said I was nuts and went to bed, what to do am I crazy.

Answer
Sexual appetites change over the years, and to find a perfect match, for life, is highly unlikely. When people are dating, naturally sexual attraction is at it's highest, as we all settle into marriage, the true desires become more evident. One spouse or the other usually becomes the intitiator, and the other partner responds as is your case, and that becomes the normalcy. I know, for 31 years I've been you. Once in a while I tell my wife, it would be nice if you intiated tonight, and she responds, but the normalcy is me making the first move. So through communication with your husband, simply, "you seduce me tonight" should be all it takes. If he obliges, you're all set, if not you'll have to reassume the lead role. I think the key is, sex is happening. If you want to make things better or make changes to your 20 years of "normalcy" which you both have "lived with," you have to communicate amongst yourselves better. I wouldn't "suddenly" take his 'normal operating procedure' as an insult, he is just performing as he has, perhaps unbeknownst to your feelings, for the last 20 years...

Bill