Navigating Relationship Uncertainty: Should You Stay or Go?

Question
my husband and i have been together for nine years and married for 5 of those years.he has left me several times,but we have gotten back together those times. he has left me again and we have now been seperated for almost 2 years.about 3 months after he left me we started seeing each other again. i love this man with all my heart and soul,but i am wondering if i should just give up on him and be aalone for the rest of my life,because i think if married we should be living to gether not seperately. he wont go to coounseling,refuses to go.he is the first man i have ever really and truly loved,but i am so depressed over this i really need to know what i should do,anything you can help me with would be appreciated,thanks,cherie

Answer
Hi Cherie~

If he refuses to work with you and help you fix this marriage, and you certainly can't do this on your own.  Then, yes, perhaps it's time you finally start to move on with your life w/o him in it.  It's not going to be an easy thing to do, but it's something you need to do in order to get your life back on track again.

There is only so much you can do as one person in a marriage.  You can't do it all on your own.  Marriage is a partnership, it's about two ppl working together as a team, doing teamwork and supporting one another.  He's either unwilling or unable to give you what you want, need and deserve in this marriage.  You have to stop letting him do this to you and bring you down to his level.  Only you can make this decision.

In the nine total years you've been with each other, you've not been able to stay together and work things out.  The time has come that you need to do something about this.  It is what it is.  If it hasn't worked out by now, chances are it's not going to ever work out at all in the end.  It makes it that much harder b/c he's the love of your life and you've only truly been in love with just him.  But he's holding you back from living your life to it's fullest.  

I would strongly suggest that you get some individual counseling for yourself in order to help you get over this.  You need to focus on yourself and not him anymore.  You have to get yourself well and learn to be happy.  It's going to be a long and slow process but you can do it.  You can do anything that you put your mind to.  You have to make that choice though.