QuestionHi, here is my problem, I have been married for about a year and a half now but have been with my wife for three and a half years. We got married and had a daughter very young. we are both only 20 years old. Shortly after getting married I joined the Air Force and I feel that may be causing some of the problems. When we first met we spent all of our time together and we never wanted to be apart.
We have spent a lot of time apart with me being in the military about six months straight. Lately we were stationed in Alaska and we haven't been getting along at all. We fight a lot and my wife seems to get mad at EVERYTHING. She is taking some antidepressants but I don't think they are working at their full capacity. She gets mad about things that I have no control over like my job. In the military you don't get to choose when you go to work or how much I work. I feel like we are growing apart and maybe even falling out of love. I fear that she cant handle the military way of life and misses her family and I cant handle fighting with her all the time much longer. I try to resolve problems without fighting and she just doesn't seem to try. The main thing that made me decide to ask you is last night I had a dream of being with another woman and being completely happy. Is this a bad sign? Is it normal?
Another thing that I thing contributes to the problem is that she watches our daughter most of the time while i am at work and when i have to do extra work related things at home. She gets sick of watching her but i can't help not being home more. I haven't even been deployed yet so I am afraid that when i do get deployed for four or more months that our marriage will just fall apart. all of the things that contribute to the problem are things that can't be changed. I am so confused.
Please help. I don't know what to do.
AnswerHi Zach,
Thanks for writing. I feel really badly for you -- you're doing the best that you can and nothing seems to work. All that AND you are in the military where you are at their mercy. What you need is a supportive wife, not one who is moody and rebelling.
But your wife is young. There are all sorts of reasons she may be acting the way she is from mental illness to immaturity, and that could include feeling distress at being away from her family. In short, my guess is that she may be too young and immature to be a supportive and stable wife.
As far as dreaming about other women, that is normal. Dreaming or thinking of something is normal, it is the doing it that becomes questionable. I know another (healthier) woman is not the answer for you right now, and affairs never solve anything and only cause an unbelievable amount of pain and resentment. If you get your peace, it will be on your own and not because of another woman. If you do divorce, I urge you to stay single as long as you can. Enjoy your military service and do things you love. The number one predictor of divorce in the USA is how young a couple is when they marry -- it may be hard to believe but you and the women you may meet will change and grow so much in the future, and some couples can't make it through all the changes. The longer you wait, the closer you'll be to who you are going to end up as.
I hope this helps -- life isn't easy, is it? I wish you the best.
Doctor Becky
