Dealing with a Controlling and Passive-Aggressive Husband After 25 Years

Question
My husband and I just passed 25 years of marriage. I won't say "celebrated" because I can think of only a dozen or so happy moments in all those years.  He treats my like chattel and checks up on me constantly. He is one of those passive aggressive, controlling, types who finds ways to blame me for everything. He won't help make a decision, then when I make one, he finds every reason to gripe about it.  I've hated him for years and flip him off when he leaves the room. Problem is my upbringing (no divorce) and the fact that I don't want to screw up my kids. My youngest is finally a senior in high school and the plan has always been to bail as soon as she graduated. He has always done whatever he wanted including taking trips with his siblings, going to Vegas with buddies, drinking and smoking as much as he wanted, while any time away with my friends is suspect. Last year, my husband found out I had developed feelings for another man (no contact, no sex, just attraction) and he took a bottle of pills with alcohol. I called 911 and he's fine, but I can't live with the guilt of his suicide, so now what?  How do I get out of this?

Answer
Hi Karen~

You have two options here.  You can A-stay in this unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage or B-you can separate from him and ultimately divorce him.  You know deep down that this marriage has been over for quite some time.  You just don't want to do anything about it, for your own personal choices and reasons.  

You're not going to screw your children up by divorcing their father, you will screw them up if you continue to stay with your husband though (and you'll keep screwing up yourself mentally and emotionally).  You should never stay in a marriage b/c you feel obligated to.  Nor should you feel that you should just have to settle for all this in this marriage.  

You need to make a choice for yourself based on what you want to do with your life.  And whether that's to go ahead and stay with your husband or to ultimately divorce him.  Something needs to be done.  Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one though.  If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.