Dealing with Marital Conflict & Abuse: Seeking Support

Question
Hello, Doctor Becky
Thank You for reading my message. Well, I am a 36 year old married woman with two children of my own. I have been married to my current husband for 4 years now. My husband and I never actually got to be best friends and we have been fighting since the day we got married. We fight alot about money. Not having money. I am a victim of physical and mantal abuse and I am married now to a man that I think is verbal abusive towards me. My 14 year old son has seen alot in out disturbed past. He hsa seen his father beat me and my daughter's father verbally abuse me and my father beat me and my mother. He is very depressed and when myhusband picks fights with me, my son gets very upset and so does my 10 year old daughter. My husband is caucasion and I am hispanic and sometimes when he is yelling at me he calls me stupid mexican. I am not sure if that is abuse but it does hurt me. The other day, my son shoved me and tried to punch me, I told my husband about it and he said good I need it. that night what they both did and said hurt me very much and I cried all night. I can't afford a counselor and he can't either. I want so deperately to get some help but I am unable to without money. Dr. Becky... am I in a verbal abuse relationship? Will we ever become friends and stop fighting over not having any money? Him and I don't have anything in common and we don't even sit and bond or laugh together. We never got to spend one night away together or even celebrate our honeymoon. We try to avoid the money talk in this house because it ends up in a violent fight. We are all trying to get along but I am emotionally exhausted and my heart can't take any more pain. I am getting tortured from all ends... my son is going through teenage depression or something becasue he is always moody and angry and always tries to pick fights with me. My husband picks fights everytime he gets a paycheck. It is always about paying the household bills and the mortgage. I am low vision impaired and I receive social security disability but it is not enough for me to help him. I want so bad to work this marriage out but I don't think it will. If I leave, My children and me won't have a place to go. Please tell me how I can help my marriage? I Thank You & God Bless. Happy Holidays.

Answer
Hi Brenda,

Poor dear. Yes, you absolutely positively are being abused. Your son has learned how to do this from his father and others, and he will be just like his dad if he doesn't get help. I know you are broke but if you call your local battered woman's shelter or family violence center they will provide free counseling for you and your family. They will educate you about abuse and help you with your emotional pain. If you need to leave, they will help you with that, too. There is lots of help out there, my dear. You must, must do this!!

Let me know what happens -- I care!

Doctor Becky