QuestionI know how bad that sounds, but let me explain. I've been with my husband for almost two years, he has been severly controlling, and mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive for nearly the entireity of our marriage. He's never hit me, but he is rough with my two year old from a previous marriage. He hurts her emotionally though, I know it. I know alot of people don't really consider those types of abuse as actual abuse, especially not the police. So they can't help me. I want to leave, but he makes me have sex with him whether I want to or not; It's not necessarily rape, as I'm afraid not to. And now I'm afraid I'm pregnant. In the state of texas, you are not allowed a divorce if you are pregnant. Which means I'd have to stay married to him the entireity of my pregnancy, and then he could drag it out further, or I'm just simply stuck with him. I just can't have his baby, I want out, and I want my daughter out. What are the options for an abortion that I can do, without him finding out. Or anything I can do to terminate it, I don't agree with an abortion in the least, but adoption isn't an option, as my husband wouldn't allow it and I'm afraid it would put this baby in the same situation I'm trying so desperately to escape. Do I have to have his consent to abort?
AnswerHello, Krystal,
Your question was in the question pool rather than addressed specifically to me, and I just saw it.
By now, you may have taken some kind of action, but just in case you still want help here, I will answer you. I can understand your situation fully. It IS abuse. And you're right. Unless it's physical, the police won't help. If he is being physically rough with your daughter, then the police may be able to respond to that, particularly if she shows signs of having been hurt, such as bruising. But you have to be careful, because if they do find physical damage on your daughter, they could take her away from you. Forcing you to have sex against your will is also abuse, though if you don't let him know you don't want it, he wouldn't know he is forcing you.
There are organizations in Texas that can help you. To find one near you, go here:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
You can leave and go to a women's shelter, or the people in the organization can find a place where you can stay. You don't have to have a divorce to get away from him. You can get the divorce later.
As for abortion, I hope you didn't go that route. It is dangerous, and can have a horrible emotional impact, especially since you don't believe in abortion in the first place. However, if you did, and you need help, I will be here for you, and they can also provide counseling for you through the organization. Having an abortion to keep a pregnancy a secret is never a good idea, because if you have any kind of complication, he would find out about it, and complications are common. You wouldn't have to have his consent to abort, but I sure don't advise it.
Please let me know how you are doing, and if I can help you in any other way. Stay safe!
