QuestionHello,
I have been married to a wonderful man for 22 years, he is 57 and I am 47. During our marriage I have always felt loved, cared for and respected. We have two boys both in their college years. My husband is a quiet guy and I have felt lonely at times during our marriage. This has intensified as the years have passed. I have tried to speak with him about this but he just says he is a quiet person. I am concerned because this loneliness is growing for me and I want him to understand. I have come close to having an affair with someone because of this loneliness but thankfully I decided my husband was too precious to me to do such a thing. Would you have any suggestions?
Thanks
AnswerHi Lynn,
I must admit that I am somewhat confused. Let me explain why.
I get a lot of questions from people asking me what to do with issues of disloyal husbands, abuse, inconsiderate spouses, partners that are dishonest, partners that are unable to commit or be kind and soft spoken, etc.etc.
You start your message with praise for your husband, including the fact that for over 22 years, you have felt loved, cared for and respected. You have raised two lovely boys.
I would like you to go over that once again and realize what percentage of women that you know have experienced what you have.
I must also admit that I was very happy to see that at the end of your message you realized that your husband is a treasure, even though he may be a quiet treasure.
Moving right along, I will try to explain what you can do.
I will assume that your husband is quite happy being at home after work and is not a person who wishes to go out much or wishing to have a very active social life.
Guess what? That doesn't mean that you cannot have a social life or do things that will allow you to share new experiences with him or without him, thereby perhaps being the catalyst that he needs to do more stuff with you.
There are women's clubs, golf clubs, volunteer organizations, etc..etc. There are so many ways that you can do things by yourself if you wish to. When you come home, you know that your lovely husband is waiting there for you and you can share your new experiences with him. You may even find that he might wish to accompany you on some of your ventures.
You can have the best of both worlds, Lynn. You can do things with your lady friends and have a great husband that loves you when you get home. Remember that a marriage is not necessarily something that says you have to do everything with your spouse. Some choose to, others do not.
The guys go play hockey or have a poker night. The girls have a poker night or a bridge night. Nothing states that a spouse has to cater to another spouse all the time.
Although your husband may be a quiet guy, you know he loves you. You can do what you wish, and your new found excitement may make him curious enough to want to share some of your outings with you.
These new activities will allow you to fill the void that you currently feel and will actually reduce the feeling of loneliness that you have. Think about it.
I hope you can find a whole lot of things that will make you happy, Lynn. You are in a good position, believe me. One can only hope to find a good man these days and you have one. Now find other things that will fulfill you and allow you to continue growing and evolving, and the while knowing that you are loved and cherished by your husband and your children.
kind regards,
Don.
