Navigating Intimacy Issues in Marriage: Seeking Support & Understanding

Question
I feel like I am dying. I love my husband. i BELEIVE he cares about me.  He says he is not interested in sex anymore.  He hasn't touched me in ten months.  Tonight, I pretty much begged him to touch me, to make love to me.  He made a joke about it. He punishes me for not doing things that are wrong for him(not sexual things).  I am sad and lonely. Help please.7

Answer
Hi Clovis~

I can totally understand how this is taking a huge toll on you and making you feel.  Everyone needs to feel loved and wanted and attractive by their partner.  It's devastating to be rejected by someone that you love and care for.  There's a reason he's doing this, but the question to get to the bottom of is exactly why he's doing this.  Perhaps he has an ED (erectile dysfunction problem) and he's too embarrassed to tell you about it.  So he makes up excuses and ends up making you feel bad and guilty due to this.   Maybe he's got a low to nonexistent sex drive.  It could be a number of things causing this really.  

I think you need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  Perhaps you can come up with some sort of compromise to work this issue out.  

The bottom line is you have two choices here.  A) You can stay with him and do w/o the sex (which obviously means a lot to you to have physical love and affection, and rightfully so).  Or B) You decide that he's not going to treat you like this any more and make a mockary out of you for wanting/needing sexual contact with him.  And you decide to do something about it.  Neither choice is going to be an easy one.  But something has to be done or it's only going to get that much worse over time.  You can't keep living like this, so something has to give.  He either works with you or against you.  Or you have to take matters into your own hands.  You could also see if he'll agree to go to some form of marriage counseling (or sex therapy) with you.  He has to be a willing participant though in order for things to be resolved and to get better.