QuestionHi,
I hope you can help me. Usually I can figre out my own problems but this one has me confused. I have been married to a man for 21 years who I love, like, trust, etc but we have only had sex about 10 times during our marriage but I still love him very mcuh.
I have met a man online who loves to have cyber sex but I cannot trust him and all we ever do is have sex, we don't talk about anything else much.
I truly want to stay with my husband but I can't get myself to quit seeing this other man online, I am very, very addicted to him.
I don't want to ruin my marriage, what should I do or try to do?
Thank you for being there, I really need and appreciate your input. My addiction to this other man is really strong.
AnswerDear Julie,
Thank you for contacting Allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
First of all, let's understand one thing. You are not "addicted" to this person. You make a conscious choice to continue this online relationship with him because it serves a purpose for you.
People do not get addicted to people or things other than heroin! To use this term is to make excuses and avoid taking responsibility for your actions.
The question to as is: "What purpose does this man serve, that makes you want to continue this relationship with him"? Of course, only you can answer this. It is not sexual fulfillment, because cyber sex is NOT SEX. It is masturbating while you are talking on the computer with someone. You can do that without your friend. So what do you gain from continuing this relationship?
You state that you don't even talk about other things with this person. So it seems that you are using eachother for something. Perhaps he is providing you with some kind of fantasy relationship that makes you feel special, appreciated, loved. I can't say because I don't know either one of you. But I do know that there is a reason that you and he continue this behavior.
Have you spoken to your husband and discussed his lack of interest in sex? Is this normal for him or might there be a problem of some kind that you can resolve? In any relationship it is important to be able to communicate your feelings and concerns. It doesn't sound to me like you are doing this.
Every relationship has it's ups and downs throughout the years. In order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage you must be able to talk about anything and resolve issues that cause problems. You would be very wise to try to develop this kind of communication with your husband.
As for your cyber friend. Personally, I don't see how either of you benefit from such a relationship. If you don't mind being used, I guess there is no harm in it. It doesn't say much about your self esteem.
If you love your husband as you say you do, wouldn't it be better to concentrate your efforts toward making your relationship with him better rather than wasting your time talking to a stranger who doesn't care about you other than what you can "do" for him?
Consider what is important in your life and act accordingly. You have much to lose and little to gain from continuing the path you are on.
R.M. French
