QuestionThank you for replying Kiya, your help is greatly appreciated. I haven't spoken with him all day, should I continue to leave him alone? He is four hours away....
-------------------------------------------
The text above is a follow-up to ...
-----Question-----
"I've been married for almost 3 years and have known my husband for 6. I have rejected my husband, push him away, barely aknowledge him when he comes home from work and hardly have sex. I realized that I was afraid of loving him to my fullest since I was being selfish and afraid he would hurt me. I always thought that my husband would find someone prettier and more successful. Now my worst fear is happening and he doesn't want to work things out. He has told me to move on, he has told me that his mind is made up and that my stuff will be brought to my parents house this weekend since I am staying with them. He wanted us to separate for a week or two, but now wants a divorce. I know what I need to do for my husband and how to do it. I have been afraid to love him and now I do not want to be afraid. I want to love him to my fullest extent! I am not afraid of being hurt anymore. I am so remorseful and guilty for the way I treated him. I feel horrible. He has encouraged me and supported me and I was so disrespectful to him. I am starting counseling tomorrow by myself. He doesn't think our relationship will ever be the same and feels as if there is too much pain. I feel like I realized this too late and I told him I would change numerous times and never did. I want to now, I want a better life for me and for our marriage. He told me there is no hope for us. He is four hours away. Am I too late? Should I give up? Is he just telling me this out of anger and hasn't realized the reality of us being apart? We've been separated since Friday 12/22. Someone please help!"
-----Answer-----
Dear Kim,
I know this is hard for you. It is especially hard when the reality of it sets in. There was probably something pulling you away from him other than the fact that you were unable and afraid of loving him. I'm sure you were hesitating about something he does, did or didn't do. Now that you are truly going through this hard time, it is harder for you to let go, and this is completely natural.
If you are absolutely positive that you want him back and know that when and if you get back together this will not occur again, then handle yourself in a very mature and confident manner. Tell him that you are enjoying having some space and ask him whether he would like to come over for dinner or you could meet half way. Then talk to him like a new dating couple. Do not bring up a single thing about your relationship. This negativity in any fashion will become detrimental to your future. He needs to fall in love with you all over again. Do not call him except to ask him over. Then just be relaxed, happy and sweet and even tell him that you would like to forget about the past. Whatever you do, do not be clingy. This could break your bond for good.
Take care and good luck!
Kiya
AnswerHi Kim!
Yes, you should let him have some time alone. Like the saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Just play it cool. Call him, at the most once a week. Then when you talk to him, let him know how well you are getting along. Tell him that you would like to get together sometime in the future and it is important to have some thinking time. This is a great time for you to determine exactly what your future holds. Let him know that this time away from another is good. When you talk to him, do not sound desperate, but give off the feeling like this is useful for your future. Everything happens for a reason! This could be a great opportunity to find an alternate life or it could be a great way to bring this relationship back together, even stronger than it has ever been! Leave it up to nature.
Sincerely,
Kiya
