Question"I've been married for almost 3 years and have known my husband for 6. I have rejected my husband, push him away, barely aknowledge him when he comes home from work and hardly have sex. I realized that I was afraid of loving him to my fullest since I was being selfish and afraid he would hurt me. I always thought that my husband would find someone prettier and more successful. Now my worst fear is happening and he doesn't want to work things out. He has told me to move on, he has told me that his mind is made up and that my stuff will be brought to my parents house this weekend since I am staying with them. He wanted us to separate for a week or two, but now wants a divorce. I know what I need to do for my husband and how to do it. I have been afraid to love him and now I do not want to be afraid. I want to love him to my fullest extent! I am not afraid of being hurt anymore. I am so remorseful and guilty for the way I treated him. I feel horrible. He has encouraged me and supported me and I was so disrespectful to him. I am starting counseling tomorrow by myself. He doesn't think our relationship will ever be the same and feels as if there is too much pain. I feel like I realized this too late and I told him I would change numerous times and never did. I want to now, I want a better life for me and for our marriage. He told me there is no hope for us. He is four hours away. Am I too late? Should I give up? Is he just telling me this out of anger and hasn't realized the reality of us being apart? We've been separated since Friday 12/22. Someone please help!"
AnswerHi Kim~
Unfortunately, that very well may just be the case, and it could be too late for the marriage to be saved. A person can only take so much of something before they break. It seems that all of these years have finally taken it's toll on him, and he's reached his breaking point.
There's probably nothing you can say or do to change his mind at this point. However, it's not completely hopeless, and there is a slight chance it could be worked out over time. But he has to be willing to give you that opportunity. You must somehow prove to him that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage. And by you're going to counseling is a very good start.
You could see if he's willing to sit down and at least talk with you about this. Tell him you're starting counseling and you've seen the error of your ways. It's taken you hitting rock bottom before you realized what you've done. Even if it ultimately doesn't work out, keep with the counseling.
You need to work on improving yourself, so that you can become a better person. And that you can learn a very valuable lesson from these mistakes, so that you never do this again (and never take advantage of being in a relationship with someone like that).
At this point all you can do is to take it one day at a time, and see what happens from here on out.
