Dealing with Unequal Household Labor After Relocation

Question
Hi Bill. My husband and I have been married two years and we have two children. We are both 26 years old. Our family has recently relocated since Hurricane Katrina and we both have new full time jobs. My husband works hard with hours that are little eratic. My hours are steady and the job is relatively simple. Anyway, my issue is this: My house is always a mess. And I understand that with a family of four and especially with the kids, there's going to be constant cleaning. But, I'M THE ONLY ONE DOING IT!! He's even asked me what he can do to help and he realizes that I take on the bulk of the load of household chores. When he asked I told him he can simply help clean up. Unfortunately there's been no action on his part. And part of me feels like he really does work hard and I hate for him to have to come home to clean. But I work, too so is that an excuse? I also make sure the kids get bathed, laundry's done, dinner's cooked and the house is as clean as one person can possibly make it. Should I push for him to help out more even though I know he's exhausted from work? I'm frankly tired of waiting for him to do something about what he's said.

Answer
Well the division of jobs is always a tough one, and one best layed out in the early going. Generally men think working their job is enough, but times have changed. My advice would be assigning him something he can succeed at, compliment the success, and then add to it. Tell him if he can "get this done for you" then you can do someting else, or get ready faster to go out, etc. Many women fall into the trap of not being happy with the husbands efforts "If you're going to do it like that I might as well do it myself," and shoot themselves in the foot, FOR GOOD. So nurture his efforts and develop them into something useful, add a little at a time, and compliment him for helping, and I think you'll be happier.

Bill