QuestionI'm 30 and have been married to my husband for 3 years now.
I've got a son who's 14 years old and sees his biological father every other weekend. My son's biological father left me due to depression, nothing to do with our relationship, it was issues with his family that caused it.
One night I'd been on a girls' night out (my son was staying over at a friend's house that weekend) and when I came in, what I saw shocked me.
I found my husband and my son's father having sex on the living room floor - and felt disgusted by it.
I went up to the bathroom and retched. I then ordered them both out the door, and told my husband to come back in the morning.
The next day my husband came back round, and we had a full-on discussion about the incident - he said to me it was none of my business, and that he wasn't gay, but also said he was in a relationship with him, but it still doesn't make him gay.
I'm considering filing for divorce over this now.
Our son has noticed a tense atmosphere in the house and is starting to question it now. I've had to tell him white lies about being upset with work.
How should I tell him about this in a sensitive manner without upsetting him?
I just don't understand how or why my husband and my son's biological father could or would want to do this to me.
I'm getting marriage counselling for this, and am on anti-depressants, but am still worried about this.
I could kick my husband out (it is my home, I bought it, not him) but am worried he'll have nowhere to go.
How am I ever to resolve this tense situation and cut the Gordian knot, so to speak?
In spite of all this my son is still doing well in school, and is happy and enjoying life.
Any help you can give me would be appreciated.
AnswerHi Danielle~
I agree with you I don't think it's appropriate to tell your son about what his father and your husband have been doing together. It would upset him and probably devastate him as well, and in turn that could affect him and his school work, etc. If he asks then you tell him that you're having issues with your husband and they are adult matters that you are not going to discuss with him at this point b/c they are private. There's no need for him to know this at this point in time, if ever, about what has occurred. No matter how you slice it if you were to tell him the truth and he would be angry, upset, etc about this, this is exactly the reason you shouldn't tell him what exactly happened nor should you ever go into details about it.
If you feel the need kick your husband out and divorce him then by all means do it. It's not your problem if he has a place to go or not, besides if he wanted or had to he could go stay with someone or even your ex-husband for that matter. That wouldn't be your problem he's a grown man and he can take care of himself, he should have thought about this before he decided to cheat on you. He's gay and he's very bad in denial about it. You don't sleep with the same-sexed person and say you're not gay unless you're in major denial. He can say all day long he's not but he's insulting you intelligence to expect you to believe otherwise. When clearly it is what it is. I hope this helps you some.
