QuestionI been married for 13 years. We married at age 18. We have 3 great boys.. I love my husband but something is missing. I am unhappy and hate when he is home 90% of the time. He works out of town through the week and home on weekends.. He spends most of his home time at his Mom's and with his cousin who has caused me much heartache! He has cheated on me 5 times.. And thinks that it did are mirage good. The problem I hate him for it, I don't trust him, and I wish I could just leave. I have tried to burry the pain and make it work. But I can't be myself around him!We can't even talk with and arguments.. It is always my fault in his eyes! We can go a long long time with out a hug, kiss..etc.. and it doesn't bother me.. NOW he is spending way too much money to be gone only 5 days a week.... and can't tell me what he bought .. He calls me all through the day to see if I am home... but when he is off work I can call I don't get a answer just a voice mail... he will call to say he is going to bed ..yeah right at 7:45: at home it's midnight! Do you think he is cheating again???
I just went back to work... I am enjoying it very much.. And found that being around others again makes me happy.. The guys flirt and tell me that I am pretty and it makes me feel great.. But I just tell them I am married and they shouldn't be hitting on me... And I laugh.. But deep inside I wish I could just be free to have fun...
My question is How can I forget and fix something that he doesn't want? He tells me that I can leave and calls me names all the time.. He never talks to me and keeps track of every dime I spend and every where I go.. down to how many miles I put on my truck while he is gone... I am just not sure what to do... I stay because he makes me feel like I will never get nothing better and because of the boys! PLEASE help me!!
Thanks
AnswerHi Vanessa~
His behavior certainly isn't normal and he's not acting like a married man. He's basically out doing whatever he wants, when he wants, like he's a bachelor once again rather than a married, family man. That's unacceptable for him to be doing. So if I had to guess, I'd say, yes, he's probably up to his old tricks again, and chances are he is definitely cheating again.
Why do you choose to stay with him and continue to be unhappy?! You know in your heart of hearts you want out of this unhealthy, unhappy and unfulfilling marriage. Yet you stay. Going back to work is a very good thing for you. So that you can get out and experience what it's like to have friends and to be happy once again.
See, a person can only take so much of something before they break. The question to ask yourself is when is your breaking point?! How much of this are you willing to put up with before you finally say, NO MORE?! So while you can't control the way he acts, you do control the way you react to him (and to others). He can't make you feel inferior w/o your permission. You must take back that control from him. You deserve so much more than he's capable of ever giving you. You also have to think of the children and what's in their best interest, and staying with him while he treats you in this manner is not a good thing to do.
No one wants to go through a divorce, face it, they suck. It's emotionally, mentally and even physically draining to go through. But sometimes it's a necessary evil. I'm here to say that there is life after a divorce, and being a single mother for a while isn't always a bad thing. Now you have to make an important decision on what it is you want to ultimately do. It's not going to be an easy one to make though. So if you can get a good support system in place, I would encourage you to do just that. Get the help and support of family and friends and finally put an end to all this misery once and for all. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
