Coping with an Unsupportive Spouse: A Nurse's Struggle & Seeking Solutions

Question
Hello, This is a second marriage of 14 years. I have been trying to better the quality of our lives over these 14 years, attending school and sometimes working two jobs and in the process of trying to open a business. I am a nurse I have been working the past five years, 6 days a week anywhere from 10 tom 12 hour shifts. My body seems to be in constant motion and I have yet to have a day other than Sunday off.My health and stress level is getting worse. My husband works at a fire station driving a truck that is rarely in service, he works 2 days a week and the only labor part of this job is cleaning up after himself. I cannot seem to get him to help around the house or find a part time job on his five days off. He has no hobbies, goals or desires to do anything more. He has expressed many times that he cant wait until I get my business open so he can reap the benefits. Can you tell me how to change him I am tired of being the bread winner and the one that keeps everything working. This is not an exaggerated problem I have been very kind in my description about him.

Answer
Hi Nona~

Shame on him for acting this way, but you've let him treat you in this manner for a long time, and it's works for him, so of course he's going to continue to behave this way.  There have to be some changes that you're willing to implement in this marriage.  Otherwise, he's so used to you allowing him to be this way, that he's not likely to change soon, if ever.   He needs to learn to pull his own weight around there or he's going to be awful lonely if you ever grow tried of his nonsense (and it sure sounds like it's been wearing on you, to where you'll eventually reach your breaking point).  The point here is that as long as you're tolerating his behavior he'll continue to act this way.  At some point in time you're going to have to put your foot down and tell him he has to contribute to this marriage, or why do you even bother to stay married to him, when you're doing everything basically on your own anyway?  You have to make some tough decisions and soon or this will only continue and get that much worse as time goes on.  He can't make you feel inferior w/o your permission.  Something has to give here and it's not from your part, he has to straighten up and fly right or risk pushing you further away from him and putting the marriage in jeopardy.  You have to figure out what you want, need, desire, deserve and expect in this marriage.  And if he's either unwilling or unable to give you what you need, then perhaps it's time that you move on with your life w/o him in it.  He can't use you and take full advantage of you and your hard working kindness, unless you allow him to.  The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.