Leaving an Abusive Marriage: Resources and Support

Question
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years.  During the course of our marriage I have experienced physical, mental, emotional abuse from my husband. I kept taking him back, but I am at a point now that the stress is too much on me and my health and I really want to end it.  We have two young kids together (twins-21 months). I told my husband how I felt about wanting to start my life over again...alone and he got mad. At times, he does things to purposely upset me (complaining, talking behind my back to my mother, storming around the house when things don't go his way...just very negative) and then when he sees that I've had enough and I'm telling him that I don't want to be with him anymore...then he apologizes and tries to make nice.  I don't understand this cycle of his.  He doesn't have any friends at his job (most people dislike him).  why won't he leave?  I tell him to leave and he just keeps hanging on. I honestly don't feel that he loves me or ever loved me.  We got married out of convenience.  I was moving back home and we were dating and my mom would not let him come with me unless we were married. He's often complaining about how he is miserable. There is no trust in the relationship. We don't do anything together. He doesn't want me to have friends or even talk to anyone on the phone. He got upset when I started college again to get my LPN. Help!

Answer
Usually the financial picture keeps people anchored together, but if he has a place to go, file for a seperation, or agree to a "trial" seperation and see how it goes. If there continues to be physical abuse, file for a restraining order, that is likely the easiest way to get him away. If you have documented the abuse, if not start now, it will make your case stronger and show the chain of events. There is a good book to read, "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" which may be helpful in identifying the different mood swings experienced by men and women. Sometimes there is love present, it is just miscommunicated. If after a seperation you still feel, divorce is a best next step, then go for it. At least you will have given yourself some time to think things through.

Bill