Erectile Dysfunction: Causes, Solutions & When to Seek Help

Question
hi
I hope I found a right place on the net to ask my question and raise my concerns.

I am 30yo man and have been married for 3 months. My wife is 30 too and we are both catholics and waited to get married. We are both successful, highly educated and have lovely families.

We get along well, have a deep respect for each other and love each other and each other company.

However, I have one problem. I can't get an erection with my wife.
We do a lot of foreplay I massage her, fondle her, use my hands on her privates. I can see she enjoys so much and is having orgasms.
I can't get an erection at all. I tried to masturbate while playing with her, she tried the same, nothing worked.

I believe I don't have any physical problem. I wake up every morning with a strong erection and can get one any time I want (when alone)and masturbate to orgasm any time I want.
I am very fit and healthy, do exercise, not drinking, no smoking, no junk food.

I tried not to masturbate for a week hoping it will help me have an erection with my wife - nothing happened.

My wife is supportive and understanding and says it is fine with her saying she enjoys my touch and my company and all is fine.

However, I am very embarrassed and feel I am failing as a lover.
It is affecting me a lot as I can't concentrate at work, feel stressed and started to dread Saturday mornings when we usually try to have sex.
I assumed that since I am healthy and have erection, once when I am with my wife, everything will be fine and natural but it is not.

I really don't know what to do.

any advise will be appreciated.

thanks
Mark  

Answer
Hi Mark,

Thanks for writing. I didn't write sooner as your question is not an easy one. The first thing you must do is to get a physical check up and find out if there could be any reason for this -- you might visit a urologist. Please be honest with him or her and tell them what you told me. Allow the doctor to refer you as needed to other specialists, even if it means going to a psychiatrist if it is found that your issue is solely psychological.

I am not a sex therapist, although I deal with minor sexual issues and education in my practice. I would imagine that it is possible that "marriage" has affected you in some subconscious way. You did not say that you had had successfully had sexual intercourse prior to marriage, but if you did, then I would think that something to do with marriage has caused you to shut down when it comes to sex. In any event, this is really too big of a problem for me, so I urge you to get the check up and proceed to psychological help, and possible a sex therapist, if needed.

Good luck!!

Doctor Becky