QuestionI'm 25, my husband's 27, and recently our sex life has dried up completely and I don't understand why.
My husband claimed he had erectile dysfunction when I asked him why there was a lack of sex in our relationship, so we went to the doctor's and he ran various tests, and a few weeks later, the result was that he did not have ED.
In the bedroom previously it didn't appear he had any issues, and I'm not pressuring him for sex, but I feel it is lacking.
However, my husband insisted the test results were wrong, and now wants a second, third, even fourth opinion. He's also insistent that he should have a penis enlargement soon, and said it's not due to pressure from society, it's just that he wants one, in his words, "come hell or high water".
Our relationship is good in every other way apart from physically and he did discuss this with me, was open to talk about it but kept insisting he had it.
We went to counselling, and my husband talked about it openly - I went with him simply for moral support, and they said to him he didn't need to worry about it, yet my husband still felt that counselling was a waste of time, just a repeat of the doctor's words in his opinion.
I don't want to divorce over this, that would be extreme, but how should I deal with this effectively?
I mean, most men wouldn't keep insisting they had it would they - wouldn't they see it as shameful?
Our life is good otherwise, apart from sexually, and to be honest, I don't know how to resolve this.
Any advice would be very helpful, and I would be grateful for this.
AnswerHi Suzanne~
It seems that he has a very distorted view of his penis size. For most men the size of their penis determines their masculinity and that somehow defines their manhood and it means everything to them. Men have very fragile egos but they usually don't admit it due to it being an embarrassing topic for them to even discuss. This could explain his obsessive behavior with his penis size, his lack of sexual interest, etc. Getting a penis enlargement isn't going to solve his problems though. That's what he's failing to realize. Before he even considers it, he needs to do some research on all that a penis enlargement entails, what he'll have to go through during the surgery, after while recovering, will this really truly and honestly make him feel better about himself, his sex life, etc and so forth. Likely not. He needs some intensive therapy on how he views his penis and how all this relates to his masculinity issues, sexual issues, b/c they all tie in somehow together. He's in denial and that can be a tough thing for anyone to deal with. Him on coming to terms with that he has an issue with his penis and your sex life is now suffering due to all this. And for you as in not really knowing how to cope and deal with this type of situation, I can't say it's the norm b/c it's not. I've only had someone write to me about him having a huge issue with the size of his penis once (not long ago) and it was due to how he viewed this subject mentally and emotionally (the size of his penis was causing him to feel inadequate as a man. Although his wife assured him that it wasn't a problem he thought it was, she loved him and accepted him the way he was, it was him that was having a tough time with this issue. It's not something that is easily resolved, I'd say. The real problem is getting your husband to feel comfortable enough with someone to openly and honestly discuss why he feels this way about sex and his penis. Even though he did openly discuss this, he's still feeling that he has a huge issue with penis size. But why? That's what you have to get to the bottom of, he feels this way for a reason, maybe he knows why or maybe he honestly doesn't.
I don't really have any real advice besides to tell you to keep encouraging him to talk to someone and you don't have to be present when he does. That you want to keep supporting him to the best of your ability it's just really difficult for you to understand what he's feeling and thinking about the penis enlargement and exactly WHY he's being so insistent that he needs it? That's the root of the entire problem here. I really wished I could've given you more advice but this really is a tricky and yet sensitive subject to discuss. I wish you well and all the luck on solving this difficult issue. Don't give up unless and until you just can't do it anymore. Only you will know if that time will arise or not. I mean as one person there is only so much can you try to help him with. He has to do the rest for himself and figure out exactly why he feels so passionately about this issue.
