Husband's Infidelity: Addressing Concerns and Finding Support After 39 Years

Question
I am so confused. My husband travels alot. I joined him on one of his trips so only had access to his business computer. I had not seen him for awile so figured he would be horny. however he had trouble performing sexually and he really did not seem that interested. This was very painful for me as he has a history of cheating. I have never caught him but have found condoms in his suitcase as well as viagra. We have been married for 39 years, both in upper 50's. I guess I have felt he would change as we have 3 grown children and a nice life. However from using his computer and discovering he has been looking up massage parlors which when I looked described themselves as erotic. I then opened his credit card bill and see a 2 charges to them in one day = to 75 dollars. So now after him always lying his way out I do not see how he can with this, although he will try. I really feel he would never fess up, but I need to have honesty this time. I have lost all trust in him and feel unless I am joined at the hip with him he will cheat. Where do I go from here? I am so numb I can hardly think.

Answer
Your husband may not share the same sexual boundaries and values. You may be at risk for an STD. It is important to have an open conversation, but he may not be honest. Tell him you are afraid and have lost trust. It is a sad and tragic situation you are facing. You will pass through a period of loss and grief, and then you can move forward in your life but maybe not with him.