Navigating Separation: When a Husband Wants to End the Marriage

Question
I have been married for 11 years to a good man. We have four  kids ages 9,7,6 and 2. We lead very busy, stessful lives (I run a private school and he is a sales executive). For a long time I have felt like he takes me for granted and considers his job and committments more important than mine and when angry I have told him divorce and separation have come to my mind.
I have not felt attracted or intimate with him for a while. Our sex life is almost unexistant. It infuriates me to see him leave his dirty socks on the floor or him not clear his plate because I feel he is not helping out enough around the house.
Three weeks ago we were having an argument and I told him I felt I was better off without him. He was shocked and took it seriously and now he wants to go separate ways. I explained to him that I say a lot of things in the heat of the moment but he says he has been unhappy for a long time and he wants to have someone that loves him and respects him and wants to be around him and I said I wanted to be that for him and he says we have been in more of a partnertship and not loving marriage for years and he cannot see how that can happen. He is hopeless and I am truly concerned he has given up on us. I told him I am willing to try harder and be more patient and tolerant and compassionate and he says it has taken me my whole life to be who I am and he does not beleive this has a solution. I told him that it takes two to mess up the relationship and it takes two to make it work but he is not willing to try.

Answer
Hi Gloria~

You have hurt him with your words, words can scar internally and do more damage than physical abuse does.  Words sting and they do major damage, even when we don't mean it.  And we can't take back things that which we say.  You need to realize this and think before you speak especially when you're angry at him.  Try to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  If you can somehow convince him to talk to you and agree to work this out once more, then I'd highly suggest that you check into some marriage and even individual counseling for yourself.  This way you have an outlet to vent and to get some suggestions on how to improve yourself and your marriage.  If he refuses to give you the chance to work on the marriage (together as partners) then that's something you'll have to come to terms with.  Talk to him and see what comes of this, and then you'll have to figure out where to go from here on out.