Husband's Contact with Ex-Girlfriend: Is It Normal & What to Do?

Question
Is it normal that my husband talks with his ex girlfriend every day? They text,e-mail and send pictures back and forth.
My husband and I were married 3 months ago.  In March he told me that he was confused about his feelings for his ex "Susan". I told him that he needed to go back to her and figure them out before him and I moved forward.  He cried and told me he loves me and wants to be with me and get married.  He said he would let her go.  He moved in with me the middle of May. Plans included moving his children in with us and getting married. (long distance).  The end of May I came across an e-mail he sent to her telling her he loved her and missed her and how he wished their relationship worked out.  She is with another man.  The man that she cheated on my husband with by the way.  I confronted him about this.  He said he was just messing with her head.  I didn't fall for this and he admitted he still loves her but as a friend.  I told him the contact needed to stop.  It didn't.  I found phone calls and texts.  Confronted him again and he ignored the issue and turned it on me for invading his privacy. So he manipulated me and made me the bad guy.  He stopped calling her for a few days then it starts all over again.  He went to his hometown and hers to get his son but stated he needed to go alone to tie up loose ends.  He states he did not see her or anyone else.  So his 1st son is now here (July) I confronted him again about the calls and texts.  again he avoids the issue and freaks out on me for going through his phone.  I ask him if he talks to her and he lies.  I know going through his phone is wrong.  My trust issue that I need to work on admittingly.  I found another e-mail in which he asks her if she is sure she wants to be with "Steve" because he is ready to come home and be with her because I wont stop about him talking to her.  He says I drove him to write that e-mail and he doesn't mean it. He states he moved here with his boys to be with me.  He says he loves me and she is just a friend.  Gets better for a whie and he doesn't call her.  We go to his hometown and pick up his 2nd son and I meet his family. (end of August) We get married beginning of Sept.  It starts all over again.  He calls her everyday.  Sometimes 2 or 3 times.  they text and exchange pictures of him, the children, our home, our dog, never a picture of me. This is our private life> why does he need to share it with her. Again I confront him and he states she is just a friend that he will never stop talking to and I need to deal with and stop spying on him.  He states that it does not interfere in our family time as he only does it when he is at work or when I'm not home.  I have found out that he was seeing multiple women while we were supposed to be dating exclusively.  And now his is speaking, texting and exchanging pictures with 2 more past lovers.  Oh and they are just friends as well.  None of these women are within driving distance so he cant just go sleep with them.  Am I wrong in being upset.  I feel our emotional relationship is being harmed. He states he needs friends as he is new to this area and doesn't know anyone.  Also states that he cant get certain perspectives from guys and likes a females opinion on some things.  Shouldn't that be my opinion he asks for?  I have started doubting myself.  Thinking maybe I am wrong.  All my friends and family tell me to get rid of him and that he is cheating on me in an emotional sense.  Divorce over this doesn't scare him.  He wont give up his friendships.  They are more important than me.  He states he is doing nothing wrong.  Is he?  Looking for an outsiders opinion.  I have never experienced a relationship like this.  We are both in our 40's and Drama doesn't cut it.  I do love him.  He is a wonderful father and aside from this issue we get along well. Funny huh?  This hurts me everyday and he just doesn't care.

Thanks for your advice!

Mic

Answer
Hi Mic,

Thanks for writing. I am sorry for your frustration.

You have every right to be concerned about how your husband is acting. If he was my partner, I'd punt kick him out the door! He is absolutely wrong that what he is doing is acceptable. He needs to cut ties with all past lovers -- no excuses! Anything less than that is solid evidence that he is not serious about being a dedicated and devoted husband. If he doesn't stop, then you need to cut your losses. Don't allow him to justify his actions -- in this case it's all or nothing ... get rid of the "friends," or get rid of the marriage.

I wish I had better news ... but this man sounds extremely selfish and you deserve better.

Doctor Becky