Husband Unsure About Relationship? Understanding & Addressing His Concerns

Question
Hello...I am looking for advice.  My husband told me a week ago that he isn't happy and doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore.  I feel that it is my fault that he feels this way and I have pushed him away. I had no idea that he was this unhappy. It took me completely by surprise when he told me. Things have not been the best for awhile now.  Our sex life doesn't exist and he has told me that we are more like roommates.  This has distroyed my heart.  I love him more than anything, but I don't want him to be unhappy. In recent months, I have went through deep depression due to a miscarriage. I tried to explain this to him, but he says that he has been unhappy even before the miscarriage.  It is obvious that he does not want to go to counseling. I am lost..so confused and I am afraid that I am getting ready to suffer another major loss in my life.  I have tried everything, but I feel that I am coming across as desperate. I just don't know what to do and I don't know if I can handle much more hurt.  Please help!  

Answer
Hi Lisa~

You could do a trial separation for a bit.  This way you can see if you really want to be apart or together.  With a separation; it'll go one of two ways.  You'll stay apart b/c it still won't work out.  Or two you'll end up back together and not want to be apart again.  Perhaps he'll realize that a divorce is not what he wants.  Only time will truly tell what's going to happen with this marriage.  

Sometimes over time a couple can grow apart and become distant from each other.  This happens for a few reasons.  Such as a couple spending too much time apart, not making the effort to stay connected together (such as going out on dates, making time for one another, etc), not communicating their feelings to each other, etc.  

Since he doesn't want to go to counseling at this point.  Maybe it's a good idea if you get some individual counseling for yourself, in order to help you deal with all of these emotions.  It can't hurt to at least check into it.  Counseling can be a tremendous help to a person.  It's nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of either.  Do it now before this gets to become to much for you, and you end up in a bad depression.  

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.