Questiondear sir i am married since 6 yearsi am having 2 children.my husband is very short tempered.i am a doctor and he is an engineer postgraduate.he decides everythig regarding my career.of course he is dynamic ,religious ,ambitious person.he loves me very much but he shouts at me very badly when something goes wrog.i get very much hurted.sometimes i even think of divorce.i feel like he has no value for my self respect.after he calms down he talks to me nicely as though nothing has happened.when i cry he says cryig is a tool i use when nothing works.kindly advice.
AnswerHi Jasmine,
I'm not quite sure what the customs are in your side of the world, but here in Canada, I am not able to decide anything about my wife's career as it is not I who is doing her work, nor was it I who decided to do the schooling to get her degree. In that regards, it is somewhat telling about your husband, because it shows that he is fundamentally probably a control freak.
You need to sit down with him, and talk frankly about your feelings, and if he is unable to accept any constructive criticism on this issue, then you can bank on the fact that my first impression is correct.
If your husband is unable to sit with you and discuss your feelings and the hurt that he inflicts upon you then it is a basic character flaw on his part that will have to be corrected, unless he wants to alienate you and make you unhappy for the rest of your lives together.
I know that on your side of the world, there are many passionate and fanatical people who believe that woman are not to be considered when it comes to making decisions, but I also find that an archaic, I would say even jurassic attitude that does a disservice to all us men around the world.
Naturally, it is not up to me to change that, but more so up to the women who are victimized by this attitude.
Although I am not religious, I would point your husband to his own beliefs, where I am sure that somewhere in his "holy book", it should say that you are required to show your wife respect and kindness at all times. There must be such a passage somewhere in the book. Point it out to him, please, lest he forgot when he read it last.
In addition to my first thought, the fact that he thinks crying is a strategy confirms that he is indeed a control freak. You do not have a problem at all. You react to your feelings and they are correct. His feelings are wrong and he has to learn that he cannot take things out on you just because you are the closest person to him when things go wrong.
He has to take responsibility for his actions and be a man, and not in his sense of the word, but in the correct sense of the word. A true man with character and integrity protects his woman, and does not show such misplaced anger when faced with a challenge or an obstruction. He is a coward if he is not able to control his emotions and takes things out on the woman he is supposed to love and cherish.
You may find me somewhat harsh, but I have no patience for men who do not understand the basics of respecting a woman and show such weakness of character.
Sit with him, and if he is unable to understand your concerns, then get him to subscribe to an anger management course. It looks to me like he really needs it.
regards,
Don.
