QuestionThanks for your response. Just last night, she brought up the subject of her past relationships. Once again, she told the story about the one time that she strayed from a boyfriend. While on the cruise, she learned from a friend that Steve had cheated on her, which left her devastated. She claimed that she felt insecure, that she could not fulfill Steve's needs, wondering what the new woman offered that she could not. While on the cruise, she met Adam and they had a good time together; she felt that she could help herself feel better, so in her words, she and this "guy" got drunk and she said "what the heck" and had sex with him. She said that the act didn't make her feel any better, actually it made her feel less worthy. Once she returned from the cruise, she and Steve somehow worked things out. Through all this, she never said who the guy was that she cheated with, but doing the math in the situation points only to Adam. Her sexual history is of no matter to me, although we both have been open about our lives up to the point that we met. What bothers me about this is that she states that he is just a good friend, who she still has contact with. It's true that she may be reminiscing about that period in her life, but I don't think that some of the conversations between my wife and Adam are appropriate in any way. This situation all started with her questioning of women on the Myspace page I used to have. I'm not sure if I should keep an eye on things or just let it go. I just don't understand why she keeps this sexual form of communication open with Adam when we have a wonderful marriage together. I wonder if this is a characteristic of hers I should worry about....
Sorry for the lengthy question! Thanks again!
Mike
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The text above is a follow-up to ...
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Before we met, while on a cruise, my wife (of 1 year) met a man from Indianapolis ("Adam") and became friends. At the time she went on her cruise, she and her current boyfrind "Steve" were having problems, and she found out that "Steve" had cheated on her while she was away. She and "Adam" kept in touch and he once drove a few hours to visit her at her home near Toledo, OH. My wife has always stated that "Adam" is a good friend of hers, denying any sexual relationship with this guy, but I came upon a few messages left from him on her Myspace page. One read, "I had a great time with you that day. Someone was a very dirty girl, hahaha". Among their correspondence, she admitted her love for him at one point in time and wished she had taken advantage of her opportunity to be with him. He replied that he was heartbroken to find that she and "Steve" had reconciled. She later stated how happy she is with myself and our daughter, yet still sends messages referring to their past sexual relationship. As of this past Friday, she asked how "Adam" was doing, he mentioned that he was still single and very lonely. She replied that he was an amazing person, with some "qualities" that she "knows from personal experience, hahahhaha". My wife is very inquisitive about women I dated prior to her and fearful that I will stray, as a number of men did in her past relationships. I have tried to be as open as possible, but her discreet messages to "Adam" talking about their past only prove to me that she has been lying. I truly believe what happened in her past relationships should remain at that, but considering her lying and now contact with this ex-lover, I am wondering if there are any red flags that should be in my view. I can't ask her about this, she'll accuse me of spying on her when I simply happened upon all these messages (which have now mysteriously disappeared). Do you see any reason I should or should not be alarmed?
Thanks,
Mike
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Hi Mike~
Has she ever given you any reason to suspect she might be being unfaithful to you? If not, then she's probably just reminising about her past relationships. Which, of course, still isn't appropriate for her to do; and by no means am I excusing her behavior.
You really should be honest with her and tell her what you've come across. And that you're concerned about this (and rightfully so). Sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her about it.
I don't think you should necessarily be alarmed or anything. But you should be mindful of what she's doing, and if she's been behaving in a way that's uncharacteristic of her normal self.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
AnswerHi Mike~
If deep down inside it's bothering you this much, then yes, perhaps it is something you should be concerned about. Talk with her and see if you can't come up with some sort of compromise to fix this issue. If you don't and she continues this, then it's only going to get that much worse over time.
