QuestionThanks. I have revised it some and just need to send it now! Im sure if she emails back it wont be too nice.. Oh well, at least she will know why I dont go down there next time my husband does. Thanks for your help!
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Thanks. That letter sounds good. The main part I would have to change is the "we" as in my husband and I, because he would like it if I was working also. So, hes not really on my side in the matter, and of course he wont really stand up for me by standing up to his mom.. So I guess I need to stand up for myself. Thanks again, youve been really helpful!
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Hi. Thanks for your response back. I have written up an email and I have revised it quite a few times, but havent sent it yet. I really would like to send it because just the other day she was telling me how its best to have 2 incomes, how we cant do much on just my husbands income, and the only way to get ahead is for us both to be working. This really upsets me because she has always made comments like this and I really feel like she looks down on me so much for not working right now. When I was working she was really nice to me, but that changed after I left my job. I dont know whether I should write her an email telling her all the things that bother me or just keep it on this subject.. I think she is just rude to me because she feels like im not good enough since I dont have a job. Anyway, I guess I cant figure out how to word things where she wont get upset. I want to tell her how I feel and that I dont appreciate her comments, but Im not sure exactly how to say it.. Any suggestions for me? I appreciate all your help!
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Thanks for your response! I dont think I deserve to put up with the way she treats me. I have written an email that I am still debating on sending, just saying that I am not going to discuss things with her that involve whether or not I have a job, our financial situation, or how I raise my son. I also told her that I should not be looked down on because I dont have a job.. At least that will really let her know I feel, though with the way she is, it probably wont help. Thanks again for your help though.
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Hi. This question involves my husband, but it also involves his mother. Actually I have a few topics to cover in this email. I hope you can help. Well Ill start off by saying that my husband and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 20 month old son. We get along pretty well for the most part. I am a stay at home mom, and I dont really think that my husband appreciates what I do, which I guess is pretty common. Anyway, he would like for me to have a job, and right now I am doing a medical transcription course, and hope to get a work from home job when I am finished. In the meantime though, my husband makes jokes about me not having a job, and I feel like his family kind of thinks I should be working also. I think this may possibly be one of the reasons that his mother does not seem to respect me. Whenever I am around her, she seems to make rude comments about little things, and sometimes she does this to me in front of others. For example she got annoyed at me because I put back a carton of ice cream with just a small scoop left. She looks straight at me and says "who put back the ice cream with just this little bit in it, you should have just finished it." She made sure to let me know just how awful it was that I did this. Then another time she left her beans on the stove while she went out and I stayed at their house. I didnt know she was cooking the beans and they got burnt. She said "I told you I was cooking them." Well she didnt. Then later she tells my sister in law that we would have had beans "but no one was watching them." That seemed a little passive aggressive to me. These are just some examples of things she does that bother me. I know they may not seem like a big deal, but when its just constant I start feeling like she really has a problem with me. Then when it comes to my son zach, she of course has a different view from me on everything. I am very cautious about things, while she is a little too laid back. She tells me things like oh you dont need to cut up his food, he can eat it whole. I know by common sense that this is not smart. So shes always telling me her opinion on things, which is to be expected I suppose, but then when I disagree with her about something, she seems to get annoyed. Sometimes she will even kind of ignore me or just go off by herself for a little while. My husband told me that she feels like I dont like her and when I disagree with her on things concerning my son, that I am somehow saying that she is a bad mother. I dont know where she gets this from. I try my hardest to be nice to her, but it doesnt seem to make a difference. Now, with my sister in law its a totally different story. My sister in law has a job and makes good money. So, my mother in law treats her very sweetly, and calls her her sweet little girl, hugs her, makes foods especially for her, etc.. She does all this in front of me and I feel like its to show which daughter in law she prefers. I do not expect this kind of relationship with her because i know that my mother in law and I dont have much in common, as she said herself one time, but I think I at least deserve some respect from her. She is not respectful in her comments to me. Its almost like she wants to pretend that I am not around. She will ask my husband, his brother, and his wife if they would like something, some kind of food, etc, but doesnt ask me. She directs questions at my husband when he is there. She even will take my son out and tell me shes going to take him somewhere, without even asking me if I mind. I have told my husband how I feel about all this, and he says he understands, but he hasnt done anything about it yet. One time he said that he and his mom get frustrated because I am so paranoid.. I can be overly cautious when it comes to my son, but I dont think thats a reason for her not to respect me and my opinions. Well, I think that explains most of my problems with her. Im sorry this email is so long. Thanks so much for your help!
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Hi Jennifer~
It seems as though your mother in-law is simply jealous of you, and that you are a stay at home mom. It's simply none of her business that you work or that you stay at home. Some in-laws have nothing better to do in their lives but to be meddling in their children's lives.
You really must say something to her and stand up for yourself. B/c it's obvious that your husband will not to it for you. If you let her walk all over you, she'll continue to do just that! Don't let her do this one moment more.
As for her mean and hurtful comments, just ignore her and try not to let it get to you.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
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Hi Jennifer~
How did the email go? Did you send it? Although it may cause her to get even more angry at you. At least she'll know how you really feel though. The main thing is to not let her treat you like dirt. You don't deserve that all. So don't take it.
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Hi again Jennifer~
You'll probably upset her to begin with, by the type of person you've described her to be. Would it be easier for you to email and tell her what you think, or to actually tell her in person next time? Since it seems that you don't like confrontation, you would probably feel more comfortable actually writing sending her an email, if I'm guessing correctly?
I would just say something like:
Dear X ~
While I appreciate that you are concerned about our financial status, we've both decided that I would be a SAHM (short for stay at home mom) for now. We've discussed this and it's what we've decided on that's best for the family. While things might be tight for a while, we will adjust to it in time. The children are only young for a short time in their lives, and they grow up so very fast. So I'm taking the opportunity to spend some quality time with them while I actually can. And I'm willing to make some sacrifices financially, b/c in the end it will have been worth it.
I would appreciate that you don't make any mean or rude comments to myself, my husband or family about what we've decided to do. When you do this it hurts my feeling greatly. Even though you may not agree with our decision, I would ask that you not make comments in front of me or my family. I hope you understand where I'm coming from and that you will respect my decision. If not, then that's fine, but please no more hurtful comments.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Of course you can edit this and put in or take out what you don't want in my draft. It's just an example of something you might say. If she gets mad about it, Oh well, she'll have to get over it. It's your decision and your family not hers.
Feel free to write me back and I'll help you as much as I can.
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Hi again Jennifer~
I hope that rough draft helped you out! Feel free to change anything about it to suit your needs. Hopefully she'll get the point that you are trying to get across to her about your staying at home.
AnswerHi Jennifer~
Good! I'm glad to hear that you finally wrote out your email to her. I'll bet that lifts a big weight off your shoulders too. And even if she does reply back with rude remark (which I bet she will), then you can be the bigger person and either A) choose to ignore her and not give her the satisfaction of responding to it. or B) You can write her something back short, sweet and to the point, that you refuse to become mean, nasty and ugly. That you just wanted to get your point across to her about how this makes you feel, and you did that, and that's the end of it, and that you won't be replying back to any of her hateful replies. Then leave it at that.
Good luck! And if you ever need any advice, etc just ask.
