QuestionMy wife recently told me our marriage has come to a point where she loves me like a friend roommate. She doesn't have the spark for me any longer.
Two years ago we reconciled from a similar experience. I found out after we reconciled she had an affair. Today, I found out within the past few days she requested his friendship on Facebook. She said the other day their is nobody else. However, she is obviously thinking about this guy.
We are still living together with our 2 teenage children.
I'm angered hurt and feel I'm being cheated on all over again. I was hoping eventually we will repair our marriage. After what I uncovered, I feel doubtful plus I don't know that I want her back.
The stress is eating me up. My stomach is sick all the waking hours. I feel my work is suffering because my mind is on all my personal issues.
AnswerHi Frank~
That's got to be really hard to you to accept and to hear that from your wife. She mislead you into thinking that things were going to work out and in turn this has been a shock to you and hurt you badly, and understandably so. Then on top of all that she's back to her old tricks of reconnecting with this other man. Talk about a slap in the face to you. And after being told that she basically loves you but she's not IN love with you anymore. There's a huge difference between the two.
No one wants to see their marriage fail and have to ultimately go through a separation and possible divorce. It sucks. It's very trying to go through something like this, meaning what you're currently experiencing right now. You're right to feel like that it's doubtful it'll really work out with her. Besides why would you want to be with someone that views you as only a friend and roommate. That's unfair to you and her to be in this relationship, if she's not 100% invested in it. And clearly she's not, she's trying to get involved with a man that she once cheated with and had an affair or whatever the extent of their relationship was. You deserve way better than she's capable of giving you right now.
I get that it's hard to start all over again, and it's scary, frustrating, etc going into the unknown future and possibly having to start all over again. It happens though. You have to learn to cope and deal with whatever life throws your way and make the best of it. You have to sit down and think about what you want from here on out and what direction you want your life to take from now on. You have to try to focus on the good and the positive. Otherwise, it's too easy to let all the negativity eat you up and make you so bitter b/c of all that's happened to you so far. It doesn't have to be this way, but you're going to have to be the one to make decisions for yourself from today on.
As hard as it may be try to leave your personal life at home and separate work and personal life b/c if you don't then you risk losing your job and I'm sure you can't afford to do that. You need an outlet to release this pent up anger, hurt and frustration. Find some way to do that, whether it's working out, walking, exercising, playing basketball, etc. Use your imagination. At this point all you can do it live life one day at a time and try to get through it. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
