Navigating Relationship Challenges: Dealing with In-Law Conflicts

Question
My wife and I cannot seem to get past a particular issue. She doesn't like my best friends wife, at all, because of some rude comments made about 5 years ago and general attitude. She has never got past this but has tolerated her for many years. My friends are all close but my wife wants no part now of anything if this person is around beacuse of a recent event where she thought she acted rudely.

I have asked that for my benefit that she act diplomatically to save my friendships. She refuses on principal. My friends wife is wants move forward for the benefit of all parites involved.The issue that recently created this is somewhat small but it is the resentment from this persons attitude years ago that is again brought to light.I doubt if my friends wife is aware that this stems from many years ago. Not sure how to proceed. I don't think it is fair to have me suffer. We always don't get along with everyone in life but for the sake of the one you love you put up with some people. (not my wife)I get guilted when I go out with my friends without her. Is fair to be completely fine a sociable for the past years but then have one issues upset her that brings up old issues and make my friendship suffer. She expects this person to apolgize for comments from years past when she was rude, even though they have been cordial for the past few years.

any advice! My wife refuse to make amends for the sake of the friendships.  

Answer
Dear Jeff,
I am sure your wife is doing this for adequate reason. Your wife has stuck in this relationship this long so that she does not rock the boat for you and your friends. Now, she is to her wits end and can/will not tolerate it since she knows that it most likely will cause even further detriment to all relationships pertaining to any of your friendships. She is ending all further communication so that she can save your relationship with your friend. Your wife knows first hand what this woman is doing and she should not have to deal with this person for your sake or hers. You should make arrangements without her. Tell them that she is busy, at a friend's house, doing errands, taking some time to relax since it is needed, or any other white lie that works just so that no feelings get hurt. She should let you go out every once in awhile so that you can be with your friend and you shouldn't feel guilty since this is her decision to not come along with you. She should not expect apology from this woman since this would cause further detriment. She should be polite and stay away from them or from their phone calls so that she can have sufficient time to let it pass. It may never pass, but you should trust your wife that she has sufficient reason, just as she would trust you if you had an issue with another male friend and you knew that he was not all he was cracked up to be, controversial to everyone else who thinks he is the most wonderful person who walked on earth. She may see through her thick skin when nobody else can. The best thing to do is to not avoid your friend; go out with him as often as previous, but excuse your wife to attending other events. I know that you would like to see everyone getting along and I'm sure you are very relaxed and outgoing, and it very well may be that things will change later, so just enjoy yourself until then. I know that it may feel awkward at first, but everyone will get used to it sooner than you think. Please write back if you have any other questions about this. Take care and good luck; things will work out for the best!
Kiya Sakaris, C.P.C.C.