Understanding Loss of Love in a Long-Term Marriage: Causes & Coping

Question
First off thankyou for trying to help me find some answers.
My wife of almost 28 years, 3 years ago she told me she did not love me anymore, at least not the way mates should love each other. It was more like loving a brother she said.

We have not been intimate with each other for over 6 years. I get no emotion at all from her. no hugs, kisses, holding hands, nothing! I've tried but she just pulls away.

We don't argue, we get along, but its more like we are just roomates.

I could not take the loneliness anymore and this past Sunday had a heart to heart discussion with her. again she showed no emotion.

I told her that perhaps it was time we both moved on and went our seperate ways.

She did not say yes but she did not say no either.

We have tried counseling, both together and on our own. I was to a couple recently and they both thought after all this time and its still the same...to move on for the good of both of us.

I'm ready to do that but she keeps saying she is looking for a answer from God. As I told her sometimes God does not always give us the answer we want to hear.

To be honest with you, I also now have fallen out of love with her and I don't think I can get it back no matter what we try.

Really looking for some good advise.

Thanks so much for your help!

Answer
Hi Claude~

I don't have any wonderful advice for you.  But I do think she's just as hesitant as you to end the marriage.  No one wants to go through a divorce.  Let's face it, it sucks and it's just down right depressing to go through one.  

That's basically what you've both decided to do.  You just haven't gone through the motions.  Sometimes in a marriage a couple simply grows apart--for whatever reasons.  So ultimately it's up to you to decide what you're going to do.  Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one.  

I really wish there was some fantastic advice that you could come up with.  But I just can't.  You and your wife know that divorce is probably inevitable.  Unless you want to stay together in a marriage where you don't mind being nothing more than roommates as opposed to partners in life.  And the latter, isn't that bad either.  It's whatever works the best for the relationship and whatever you're both comfortable doing.

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.  I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability.