QuestionI really don't know what to do! I have been married for 5 1/3 years. My husband and I have 3 children, 4 yr old, 3 year old and almost 2 year old. I am a stay at home mom and VERY unhappy. To be honest sometimes I want to run away from it all. Tonight made we want to really leave my marriage. My family went out to dinner and i was getting the children in their seats and they were being toddlers and my husband told my 4 year old to "shut up" I HATE that phrase so i told him don't say shut up! now i know i shouldn't have corrected him infront of my children but he got all pissed off and told me to shut the bleep up and that if i didn't like it I could find my way home. I came home mad and didn't show the kids put them to bed and then confronted him. only for him to say that he should be able to yell at me like that at least once a year to get the anger at. I don't agree this is ridiculous! I am a stay at home mom so apart of me is terrified to leave him because I don't not want to raise my kids as much as they drive me nuts. they are my life! What do i do?
AnswerHi Heidi~
You need to ask yourself some tough questions before you decide anything.
Such as:
Do you want the marriage to work?
Do you still love and want to be with your husband?
Can you see yourself still married to him (e.g for the rest of your lives)?
What are your plans if you do want to leave?
How will you support yourself and the children?
What are your goals in life? Are they to be on your own eventually, etc?
Make a list of questions that come to your mind, write them down, and think about the answers to them.
If your pros for staying in the marriage outweigh the cons, then maybe it's best for you to stay for now. Of course, this all depends on if your husband is willing to put aside your differences and to actually work on the marriage with you, to make it better for you, he and the children.
The thing here is if you don't want to be with him, and if you feel that you don't love him anymore like a wife should. Then perhaps leaving is the best option for you. That's why I said you need to weigh your options and think it through and then make a good decision based on how you answer those questions. This will help you to go in the direction you need to go in.
Why be in a marriage if he won't step up to the plate and help you raise the children, give you the support that you deserve as his wife and the mother of his children. Most of all I'm a firm believer in not staying in a marriage due to convenience, or out of obligation, etc; the reason being is that it almost always never works out in the end, and it can come back and bite you in the rear if you're not careful. So make a good educated decision on what you want to do for yourself and most importantly for the sake and what's in the best interest of you and those precious children.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. If he can give you the love, care and support that you need and deserve, then by all means try to work this out (and vice versa for you too). Being married is a tough thing and it can certainly be very challenging in this day and age with all the stresses in life, from kids, to work, to not feeling appreciated, and the list goes on and on. Talk to him and learn how to effectively communicate with each other to work out these problems and issues when they arise. I mean otherwise, how are you supposed to know what each other is feeling and thinking at any given time. Treat each other as you'd wish to be treated, and that's with love, care and respect. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make. I hope this helps you some.
