Recognizing Red Flags in Early Relationships: Is He Moving Too Fast?

Question
Bill,

I have met a great man on-line (eharmony) and he has wanted to move very fast...he moved into my apt after two months, has just bought me an engagement ring (it's been 3 months) and asks me all the time, when can we get married? He also asks about finances all the time...I'm really attracted to him and he has all the qualities that I want in a husband but something inside me feels like there is something wrong - something that made me run a background check on him...nothing major came back from the check but I guess one thing that is making me nervous is that all my friends and family think he is gay,..yes he even acts gay, he's more of a girl than even I am but he's a great lover and very compassionate...etc...I have even come right out and asked him, are you gay? of course he wasd mad and says no he is not now and will never be gay....he admits though that many people have acused him of this...when we are out it seems like every gay man is drawn to him, obviously hitting on him etc..making me mad because I have been out with attractive men and NEVER had gay men hit on them? Maybe he's now aware that he is gay? or he's not ready to come out yet but I don't want to marry him even though I love him if later on down the line we wind up divorced because of this...I just feel like he's hiding something and I can't put my finger on it...my mother says instinct is with us for a reason and that my instincts are telling me something is not right here? I've never been in this situation and I'm just wondering WHY is he sooo much in a hurry to get married when we barely know each other? is it b/c he wants me to marry him before I realize he's gay? HELP!

Answer
Jen,

Well you know what they say about a woman's intuition, it's usually right! You didn't say your age, but I think I would tell you the same as I would an 18 year old, date two or three years, become engaged for another, and then if everything feels right, well at least you can say you did your best to find out. We need to go through a few of life's cycles over a year or two or three, before we can see all sides of a person. This guy seems fishy already and we're only two months in. So I'd take my time, enjoy the ride, and a couple years from now, you'll have a better idea. I guess there's always been wierdos out there, but there are some really dangerous ones around these days. Be careful of your finances and what you share, and never give him the idea that you are isolated from family and friends, have them around if only to help you make a decision. It could be he's just very polite, polished, a mama's boy, etc. So give yourself time to figure it all out.........

Let me know how you do,

Bll