Saving Your Marriage: Navigating Separation and Reconciliation

Question
Ok here goes may be a bit long but I'll try to fill in all the details. About a 3 months ago my wife came to me and said she want happy she felt that she wanted a trial seperation and she wanted to go home which is 500+ mi from where we were living. We have two wonderful children 2 and 3 both boys. She said that she wanted to get a job go to school shes never been to a bar more than 3 times since she was 21. I begged her not to leave or if she wanted to find her self which it sounded like to me to move out in town and let the boys stay here. But what ever she decided please dont take the boys from me. Every few months I need to go away for a week of travel due to my job. Shortly after all this I had a trip to california. When I got back it seemed that she had felt better and found herself again and everything was ok. We were making love about once a week as apposed to once a month maby before. I though she was ok because she had gotten some time apart from me. Well a month passed and she had said she wanted to go to bar tending school we really didnt have the money but I said we'll save as well as we can and you can do it I was here to support her in what she wanted to do. We had planned for her to go home in the summer for about a month then I would take time off work and come up and we would all drive back. We kept putting it off and putting it off due to vehicals needing work or just unforseen bills. We'll we both said its been enuff we have a couple extra dollars either we do it now or its not going to happen. So we did and she took off to go back home and visit our parents. Well a week later I called her and she says to me I'm not coming back home Im staying up here and the boys are too she said she wanted a divorce she missed out of college, having a job, and just wasnt happy. She said she was going to get a job, go back to school and party like she never was able too before it would just be harder because she has two kids to do it with now. I was mad ofcourse confused and really didnt know what to do. The one thing I had asked of her and she did it. I stated to take the proper steps when someone tells you something like that. I removed my name from all the accounts changed the credit card and seperated our bills. I was told not to say anything that if she was the type of person that wanted to get revenge then she may do it through money ways. About two weeks passed we had worked out an agreement on how much money I could send her for the boys. When it came time for the second amount of money I had not set up the alotment but I was going to do money order and send it too her. Well she got mad accused me of not caring for my children and being a bad father. This set me into a fit of anger I blew up telling her not to blame me she was the one that decided to leave and wanted nothing to do with me that she had no one to blame but herself. I then proceeded to western union the money for same day. I called her back and told her to go pick it up and she did after that she called me up and said that she was never going to get back together with me now after pulling a stunt like that. We are somewhat on talking turms right at the moment. I cant get her to talk to me on an emotional level but only on a civil level. I did make a mistake in loseing my temper but I had alot of mixed messages being sent from her and my feeling for my boys. I've been reading alot of books, one being men are from mars women from venius. Its showed me alot how we didnt know how to communicate and I didnt know how to listen. It also showed me that we were bothing making huge mistakes in our marriage. Ive made it my personal goal to see what in myself if anything I can change. Along with that Im trying to stear her back to coming back with me. I think our problems are small but we do have alot of stuff deep rooted thats causing this pain and turmoil. Just to give a brief idea of whats led to this probably wont be so brief. We married young she was 18 I was 21. We moved into gether I wasnt working at the time nore was she. I collected unemployment while going to school. After school I got a job at this point I made a huge mistake I was talking to other women on the internet. When I was at work one day she found it and called me up I got angry because that same night I found a post of her looking for friends saying at home lonely message me. It was my ammo for asking her to move out of the house I need time to think. After about two months and her calling wanting to work it out I relized that I really truely did love her and wanted to be with her. Sortly after this I joined the service and went to boot camp when I went to my school she joined me things were good we had money and we were together. She expressed to me that she wanted to have a baby I though it would be better untill we got our money straight but she was vary pressing the nice thing is I joined so we could start that family so I said if it happens it happens and sure enuff it did happen! At first everything was good but after he was born we had to wait the 6 weeks before we could be intimint. After that point I tryed to become intimint with her but she said that she wasnt interested which I understood. So I gave her the space which turned out to be 9 months before we were intimint again. And after that we were blessed with your second child. Durring the time between our first and second i became vary upset I considered leaving because i didnt feel like my wife didnt love me. I was thinking about leaving and getting a divorce becaue I had had thoughs feeling that I had missed out on so manything but the more I thought about it I realized that I had made a choice and I needed to stand up to my responsiblities. I dont know if any of that helped but felt it was importat. We have been married for a total of 6 1/2 years I've never raised a hand to her I've never even sworn to her. But she says I've mentally abused her. shes taken college classes, Gone for job interviews but either doesnt want to take the job or just doesnt go back for the second interview. I NEED ANSWERS IF YOU CAN GIVE ANY!!!!!!

Answer
JK,
I don't know if I can really help you. It sounds as if you are at a place of no return. You have to decide if you want her back. If that is the case then you do things that show that. If you want her back because of the boys then you need to get an attorney and fight. I would suggest you move to where she is at so there is no excuse given about not seeing the boys. It will also show a judge the lengths you are willing to go to to take care of your sons.
David
www.help4life.net