Questioni am so unhappy in my marriage and have been for years, we have a 16 yr daughter and a 14 yr old son. I have persevered in this marriage for the children sake, financially it would be difficult on our own. My husband has always had a moody side to him and now it's even more apparent as he gets older. I feel my staying in my marriage for the kids has not been a wise decision as the kids are affected by his moods too of course. I was also scared to try and survive financially on our own...plus i felt mean to put myself before my husband , and how awful i'd feel. Our marriage has been interesting to say the least, i've had some nasty times over the years to which i've tried to forget, but my brain won't let me. I no longer like going away with him and haven't for sometime. We no longer have sex because i don't want to, nor can i bring myself to. I'm so scared to leave..the emotion play that will come with it, the effect it will have on our son. Our daughter will be fine, she understands. My fear of my son hating me for leaving etc. As my husband won't leave the house i would have to leave and stay at my mums , which wouldn't be so bad except i'm worried my son won't come with me. My husband drinks and when drunk can be a pain in the butt .. he maniplate things . I know i need to leave, but when i think about it it stresses me..but then again the feeling of exsisting like this for another 19 yrs depresses me. It's the maniplation that worries me, the way he'll use it on the kids which is why i would have to move then tell him later. I guess if i don't do it i'll never know...the thought of sitting in a rest home when i'm old and regretting fear holding me back when i was younger really motivates me!! ..how do i do this and how do i manage the children?
AnswerHi Wendy~
You're doing your children a great disservice the longer you stay with their father. This shows them that it's okay to take the abuse you have for years and to be treated with disrespect by your husband, their father. That is not okay or acceptable in any instance. You have to make up your mind on whether you want to continue to put up with this and tolerate this nonsense from him or not. Clearly you're unhappy and have been for quite some time. See, a person can only take so much of something before they reach their breaking point. The question to ask yourself is when your breaking point? How much longer are you willing to put up with this from him before you finally say, NO MORE?! When does enough, finally become just that, enough? You have to finally realize and come to terms that you have an an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage. You have to want to better yourself and stop living this way, it doesn't have to be like this. The longer you stay with him you're condoning his behavior and treatment of you, that's the more he'll do this to you b/c he sees and knows that you will keep putting up with this from him. It's never too late to make a change for the better. The thoughts/feelings of you being confused and not really knowing what to do are totally normal and to be expected given all that you're going and have been through. It's scary to go through a separation and a divorce and having to start all over again and have a fresh start. No one wants to go through a divorce, but some times it's a necessary evil to endure. The point here is that you can't keep living this way and you need a change for the better, not only for yourself and your sanity but for that of your children. Your son will need a little extra love, support and encouragement from you, but eventually he'll adjust, going through a divorce affects the entire family, right down to the children too. But children are resilient and they can bounce back from just about anything, including divorce. You have to give it time, energy, effort and loads of patience. As times goes on it can and does get better. Go with your heart and do what's right for you and your children and what makes you happy, and that's not going to be staying with him. That will only bring you more problems, heartache and misery in the end as a result. Of course, the choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
