Managing Boundaries with Adult Children's Visits: A Relationship Guide

Question
Hi-I will try to be brief.My two daughters have been coming to our house every two months or so,bringing five kids(it's a small house)My husband seemeD o.k. with this(not their father), in fact he seemed to enjoy it.Last time he sulked for a day or so and finally came out with it -he thinks they are taking advantage of him.He can't watch tv,etc,etc.I can under stand in a way but this is my house too(which I help support) and it's only for a weekend.I feel he is being selfish and controlling,especially since that is the only time I see them We live roughly halfway between them.I doubt if they will be back and I can't help feeling resentful.Thank you for your help.Josephine

Answer
Hi Josephine~

You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you.  And he needs to know what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  Perhaps you can come up with some sort of compromise and work this issue out.  

I would venture to say that b/c the house is so small and there are a lot of extra ppl there, that it makes him feel overwhelmed b/c he's just simply not used to it (since you said they come every 2 months or so).  He's grown accustomed to just you and him being together in the house w/o many visitors.  

You could even suggest to him that maybe every other visit that your children want to come up and spend time with you at your house; that he go stay with a friend or family member for that period of time.  This way he doesn't have to be around them in a small cramped house, and you can get some one on one time with your children and grandchildren.  You must tell him how you feel about this and communicate with him and work all your differences out.