QuestionSo I married my 4 year sweetheart who was brought up in a good home with two siblings and her mother was the typical leave it to beaver mom.
Now we're married for almost a year and I am getting concerned. I make all the money in the house and do alright. Pay all the bills, give her money etc. She got a job working part time for her uncle and doesn't want to quit. However I want the stay at home wife. She doesn't cook for me. Cleaning and the other house stuff lacks big time and it is not consistent. I don't like to sound sexist, but I fulfill my end of the bargain and I am building resentment that she doesn't really take care of me. This was sort o the understanding we had before we got married as I am the break winner.
Now I face a dilemma.. I want to have kid.s But if my wife can't/wont take care of me, how will I know she will have the discipline to take care of my kids. I mean I know she will eventually fall into a routine, but... I want this for myself too. I love home cooked meals, I love when I always have laundry done and the house is tidy.
It chews away at me when I subtly hint my dissatisfaction while trying not to make her think i am controlling her. I give her everything she wants. She keeps the money from her part time job and I do everything the typical husband should do. Car, house, bills, everything! I also give her all kinds of freedom to go when/where she wants. Cuba trips and more.
She is not a party girl or anything like that. She is actually very down to earth and is at home allot. She just doesn't do anything.
I am concerned I got a dud! HELP!
AnswerHi Mike~
She may have agreed to it at the time, but she clearly isn't the type of woman who dotes over her husband and does everything for him, while staying at home taking care of the kids (or some day to be kids), etc. She sounds like an independent woman who wants to work and be outside the home. Some women do not like taking care of the man, the household, cooking, cleaning and you name it. It all depends on the individual woman and if that's something she wants to do. I think there has to be a happy medium between you some where along the way.
You are a grown man and I'm sure you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself just fine. And I'm not trying to be demeaning when I say this either, just like I don't think you're being sexist when you say what you'd like in a woman/wife/partner. You need to sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. You need to talk and to work out these differences so that both of you are happy and can met on middle ground.
Marriage is a tough thing to do. Marriage is a constant work in progress. It's give and take, it's all about making sacrifices for those that we love. You definitely need to work out these issues before you even agree or think of having children though, b/c when you add kids to the mix, it makes life a whole lot harder and more challenging. Not to mention that you'd have fights and disagreements on things were done, etc. So that's something you seriously need to consider as well, and talk to her about.
I agree you both have it pretty good. She as a wife being provided for. And you having a wife that's not into partying and seems to be pretty reliable with wanting to work (most likely to have something to do and earn extra money, and it might not be about the money at all, she might be one of those women that feels she can't sit at home, but wants to work and stay busy, and have adult interaction, etc). And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. If anything you should support her in making that decision. I think if you did and you didn't force your opinions/beliefs upon her things would go a bit more smoothly, especially the work issue (not saying you do, but she might see it this way).
But since you don't like her doing nothing, when it comes to the house, you need to talk to her about this and let her know how much it bothers you. If she hates housework, then offer to get a maid service to help out with the general stuff around the house. Offer to cook together so that you can spend quality time, cooking and making meals you both like. If there's a will then there's a way for everything. You just have to know how to go about asking her, or suggesting to her things you'd like for her to do. And if she refuses, then that's her right, and vice versa for you. Talking about it and trying to work out things will be your biggest asset in the marriage. Marriage can be a very tough thing, but communication is key to any happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage/relationship. Treat her as you'd like to be treated, that's a good rule of thumb. I hope this helps you some.
