QuestionIs it worth saving?
I have been married for 14 years and have 2 daughters(13&9 ys). I have a permanent job, while my husband is in business. For the last 20 years, he has had about 12 business, each and every business resulted in losses. Around 5 years back, he suffered huge losses, which were paid off by his parents, my parents& brothers. I also had to take loans from the banks. Earlier also, all through my marriage, I have been supporting him in his business by taking loans either through my contacts or from the banks.
The house where we are living at present, was purched by us around 6 years back. It had to be taken in my name because of the mortgage. The same happened with the car also, as he wanted a big car, and again it was taken in my name because of the loan. Apart from these I have taken personal loans for his business.All the loans are standing as they were, with the exception of the housing loan, which I pay as per my capacity. Most of the times, I take care of the household expenses, the kids school fees etc. My husband says that I do not do anything special as this is my duty.
He is a bi-polar, more on the side of depression. But when the manic phase starts, he stops talking to me for long periods(4 months on one time & 3 months this time). He has never been a support to me. When he is in mood, he can become very lovey-dovey, but when otherwise, he will not even look (even if I am sick or I genuinely need his help). It has been a mental torture for me to live with this man. I do regular meditation, and that has helped me keep a track on my mind. I think about my children's future, the male role model they are getting, as well the toxity at home. I want to make them immune of all these things, and also want to give them normal childhood.
He has the gift of gab, which he uses to his advantage. All through, he had been manipulating me emotionally, but now, I don't want anything more of it. Now I can see through his lies, his techniques of manipulations and his way of trapping people. He does not speak to his parents, his siblings, his partners, and many more people. I really don't know what to do to safeguard my and my children's interests. Please advise me how to stop this Emotional and financial abuse.
AnswerHi Kanwal~
I know traditionally the Indian culture is very against divorce. However, I think in this situation it may call for a divorce due to his abusive ways and treatment of you. This has gone on long enough as you've said, you've grown tired and wary due to his behavior. His behavior is unacceptable and inappropriate at best. You do not have to live with way, and frankly, I don't see how you've done it all these years. After a while all of this would take its toll on anybody in your situation. You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Tell him that you refuse to support him in any type of business venture anymore, due to how irresponsible he's been in the past and all the financial trouble he's gotten the family in with debt, etc. If he refuses to change, then you might have to move on with your life w/o him in it. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make. Do not feel that you have to settle for all this nonsense from him anymore.
