Questionhello, I am having this problem. I'll try to describe it as best I can. I know this guy at my wifes work likes her, she has told me this.everytime I ask her is something going on, she says are you kidding ?(big surprise) she has a part-time job and always complains about the # of hours they give her, I heard it so much I got tired of telling her to get another job. it always seemed to fall on deaf ears. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to look for another job. and last year, she left for 2 months to go live with mommy and daddy because she couldnt handle our problems herself (money problems) , she had to bring her whole family in on it. by the way shes 34!!
I asked her if she saw anybody while she was gone, and of course she said "No Id never do that. but the way I left, I wouldnt blame you if you did." doesnt that sound like she did see somebody else, but is just trying to cover her own butt? Why would somebody say that? and now that she is back, something might be going on with her, and she might be in too deep and wants to quit to get away? I love her but I dont know why I married this woman, I asked her to marry me in the breakroom at work(we met at work before she got fired) and she had the nerve to say " did you ask my dad first?! right in front of everybody, I felt 2 inches tall. I was never so embarrassed. yes she knew I would do that but she didnt have to say it in front of people, I can only imagine what they thought of that. just trying to give you a rundown on whats up, but the only thing I want to know in your opinion is the question about not blaming me if I saw anybody. What do you think?
AnswerDear Michael,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com I hope that I can assist you with your question.
To answer your question, I believe that the comment that your wife made to you about "I wouldn't blame you if you did" was her way of justifying her actions. I believe that she may not have been unfaithful to you, but she is looking for an excuse or reason to be unfaithful. She is trying to justify in her mind that if you were to be unfaithful then you could never criticize her for doing the same thing. And she can also rationalize that "well, HE did it, so why can't I?"
There is no secret that you and your wife have some serious issues to work out. The question here is...How much are you and your wife willing to work to save the marriage?
You didn't specify what the money issues were that prompted her to leave for 2 months. Almost all married couples have issues regarding money that need to be worked through. Most of them do not separate because of it. Again, I think that your wife was using this issue as an excuse to leave.
It sounds very much to me like your wife's heart is not in this relationship to the extent that it should be. I see a lack of commitment here. You need to sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart discussion about whether she does want to stay married to you, and if so what she is willing to do about it.
I suggest you check out marriagebuilders.com for some ideas. You might also want to consider some professional counseling for both of you, or if your wife will not cooperate, for you alone to help you deal with this situation.
Best of luck to you Michael. I hope it works out.
R. M. fRENCH
