QuestionI was absolutely horrified to read your response to Amanda on 11/15 regarding her husband's stance on more children. After reading that I was certain that you are either posing as an expert or are incredibly inept. You chose to belittle a woman who had stated that she suffers from depression- definately a no-no in this field. I suspect you are perhaps not what claim also because of your choice of terminology when suggesting Amanda volunteer. We really don't typically hear the term "retarded" anymore because it is so non-specific and hurtful. You truly should think about what it is that you hope to accomplish by offering such horrible, thoughtles advice. If you truly are licensed to offer therapy, you should be subject to a review of said license.
AnswerDear Hannah,
Despite the fact that you are not asking a question, I have chosen to reply to your comments on my advice.
I do not apologize for my opinions or my advice. Naturally, I do not expect everyone to agree with what I have to say. Nevertheless, as you can see from my ratings, the vast majority of individuals who contact me are happy with the advice that I give them.
I find that in most cases where people are unhappy with my response it is because they do not hear what they want to hear. People do not like to admit that they are wrong, or that they are the cause of the problem. Instead they would rather blame someone else. All too often licensed professionals are quick to point fingers and jump on the "blame" bandwagon to appease their client rather than taking the time and effort to find the best answer, regardless of whether or not it is what their client wants to hear. They would rather "go along" with what their clients think than give them the correct information and risk losing the income from them as clients.
Men who have not been brainwashed by the feminist agenda to "get in touch with their feminine side" generally do not care much for children, particularly small ones. There is nothing unusual or unnatural about a man not wanting to deal with children. This would be particularly true in a man that has already had to deal with children in the past. Most men view children as little more than an additional financial burden that offer nothing to the quality of their life. If it were not for the desire to please the woman, whose reproductive animal urges demand children, most men would rather not have to deal with the child issue at all, and many more marriages would be child-free.
It is a woman's duty as a wife to honor her husband's wishes in every respect. If her reproductive animal urges are so strong so as to cause her unhappiness, than she should take steps to satisfy those urges in other ways if her husband does not wish children, such as volunteering, etc. To go against her husband's wishes will only cause the marriage to ultimately crumble. Not only because of his desire NOT to have more children, but also because of her failure to honor his wishes.
I cannot tell you how many emails I get in a week from unhappy men who have had their marriages destroyed by the addition of children. Please do not spout feminist non-sense to me about how men love fatherhood. Fatherhood is a learned behavior and does not exist in the nature. Men have been brainwashed to believe that they must have feelings for children, but you can brainwash them all you want at it will never create true feelings. If you don't believe me, explain why there are so many fathers out there who never bother to visit their children ONCE after a divorce. Think of all the fathers who refuse to pay child support (deadbeat dads), who apparently do not care one way or the other if their children live in poverty or die, for that matter.
When it comes to children, I find that women are seriously deluded about what their roles are and what their mate's roles should be. Women become very difficult to live with once they are mothers and the divorce statistics bear me out. I would guess that if you asked the "fathers" in this country, that more than 80 percent of them would tell you that they would NOT have a child again if they had the choice, because of how it has negatively affected their marriage and their life.
I am sorry you were horrified by my answer, but my answer is based on many years of experience as a therapist. If you talk to the people I talk to on a daily basis whose lives have been negatively affected by parenthood, you would better understand my reply. As for the use of the term "retarded", I use the terms I feel are applicable to the situation, not necessarily those lovely little "politically correct" terms that are essentially meaningless. The term retarded has been used in the medical arena for hundreds of years and served well. I see no sense in replacing it with some innocuous term
My advice to you is to get over it. And be sure to be there for your friend when he leaves her for ruining their marraige with a child he did not want. All my advice stands.
R. M. French
