QuestionOur Daughter (now 24 years old) was honorably discharged from the Air Force and could not adapt to working and living by herself in Arizona, so she asked to move in with us (My wife, 10-year old son, and myself)in North Carolina, with the understanding she would get a job and an apartment. After 7 months of her not making any attempt to get on with her life, things came to a head and we "convinced" her to either get a job or get out. She opted to move in with her fiance' and things went so great between my wife and I for about 9 months. My daughter's fiance' had to go overseas and is scheduled to be there for a year. She convinced my wife to let her move back in with us, after I said a resounding "NO WAY". Now it's been almost four months and I can't deal with it anymore, our house is way to small and she just lounges around all the time, yet my wife says its my fault that I let the situation put a strain on our marriage. To top it off, my daughter's fiance' told her to "stall them" (meaning my wife and I) for as long as she could because he doesn't want her to get a job; he's the extremely jealous type. Additionally, the government notified me a couple of months ago that budget cutbacks were going to cause my position to be cut. Now my wife says she can't leave our daughter here with no friends if we move out of state and wants her come and live with us wherever we end up at. I told my wife that I'm considering seeing a lawyer and leaving, but my wife says she will not abandon our daughter. I see it as she is picking our daughter over our marriage. Our daughter is perfectly capable of supporting herself, but is extremely lazy. It appears to be a big game to her, but its wrecking my marriage. In your opinnion, am I right to consider leaving my wife or should I suck it up and be miserable until my daughter decides to grow up?
AnswerIt's a hard one for even me. When the tweetie birds don't want to fly away from the nest, I guess you have to find a way to shoo them off. Since the confrontational method hasn't worked, I guess you should try the more supportive one. Especially now when the family might be a bit strapped for money, perhaps you can appeal to her to get a job, any job, to help out and pay some board, maybe even suggest the boyfriend help support her with some board money. I understand your need to be gone, but sometimes that cost more in the long run.
Bill
