QuestionHi,
I have been married for 1.5 yrs now.
I had previous relation with girl which I didnt want to share with my wife.
I just wanted to close that chapter.
Before our marriage my wife asked if I had any past relationships, as she was open about her past relationships to me.
I was afraid of loosing her, so I lied to her about my past relationship.
After my marriage I have been completely faithful to my wife.
I was still friends with my ex-Girlfriend.
My wife found out about this 1 lie and the fact that I was still friends with my ex-Girlfriend.
As it upset her, i broke off this friendship also.
I have apologized numerous times to her and I have never lied or done anything to make her distrust me again.
Though my wife is trying hard to trust me completely again, she is finding it difficult.
She questions me a lot. I do reply to her, but sometimes I feel really exhausted answering all her questions.
This leads to both of us being depressed.
She has now told me that she will try her best to get back the faith she once had in me.
In what way can i help her come out of her insecurity?
We both want this marriage to work. Please give some constructive advice.
AnswerHi Ramchi,
What ever made you think that you would lose her by being truthful? In my life, I have yet to see honesty being more severely punished than dishonesty or in this case "lack of disclosure." She respected you enough to tell you her little episodes.......so what was wrong with you at the time?
"Closing the Chapter" would have included telling your wife about it when she asked. I know you realize that now.
You have to go back and realize that she is peeved because you did not trust her love enough to know that she would not have left you just because you had had a relationship before her. You did indeed compromise the trust somewhat by a bad choice, that's all.
My advice is to look within yourself and first find the reason why you would have doubted her love and loyalty, and then perhaps show her your request to this forum.
You just have to be patient and allow her the time to let you regain her trust. In the meantime, be all you can be as a husband. Women often have a wonderful way of showing appreciation for our efforts in showing them that we made a mistake.
Good luck to you in this matter.
kind regards,
Don.
