QuestionMy wife's sister (ex heroin addict) has been living with us for the last 5 years and has not done our marriage any favors in my opionion.
My wife I know loves her sister but I think It
is time to set her sister straight on her responsiblities around the home. Her sister
does absoulutely nothing around the place to help
out, constantly complains, but is always ready
when the dinner bell rings. This has been bothering me for quite awhile, I have brought this up to my wife but she always ends up trying to protect her saying "she is not all there"
I think some of this is an act on her sister's
part. Well I brought this up again the other day and now my wife has mentioned divorce because she is tired of talking about it. ButI think it needs to be talked about,
her sisters room is a fire hazard and she smokes in bed!!
she won't clean her room and does just about anything she wants to. I could go on and on about some of the things her sister has done but just need some advice. Not
sure if she really means it but this situation is in need of repair. Any advice would be much appreciated. The only thing I can think of is not to bring it up anymore.
rick
AnswerRick,
Your sister-in-law is a leech. Plain and simple. People like that will continue to suck the life out of your marriage and the lives of everyone around her until she changes.
Here is what you need to do - sit down and talk with your wife , tell her that the most important thing in the world to you is your marriage. Ask her if she feels the same way. I'm betting she will agree with you. In other words, get her on your team. You are competing with your sister-in-law.
After you two agree that the marriage comes first, it is then a pretty straight forward step to confronting her sister. You must get your wife to see that she is enabling the negative and destructive life that her sister is living.
The two of you need to determine that you will no longer allow her a free ride. You don't have to threaten to throw her out yet but, tell her that SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE. Give her chores she must do daily. Give her 30 days to find a job. ANY job. Part-time, full-time - at this point it doesn't matter, just something that will cause her begin to believe that she can make something of herself.
If she does not abide by these new rules, there must be direct, immediate, and painful consequences. If she does not do her chores, she doesn't eat. If she doesn't get a job, she has to leave the house.
Bottom line, you have to get your wife on your side. Is this marriage more important to her than her sister? If not, you have marital issues that warrant seeing a counselor.
Good luck and keep your chin up. It sounds like you are a patient, loving man.
David
