Navigating a Daughter's Relationship with a Significant Age Gap: A Parent's Perspective

Question
My 20 year old daughter met a 44 year old man, her hockey coach, a few months ago.  He called her and emailed her constantly while she was at college.  She kept the relationship a secret.  I found out accidentally and discovered she had been lying to me for months.  She also lied to college professors, her internship advisor, etc. when she would take off and spend time with him.  He is divorced, had a 24 year old son who was recently killed in a motorcycle accident, and a 14 year old daughter.  We always had a fantastic relationship until she met this man.  I tried to contact him several times but he never replied and refused to meet with me.  She recently graduated from college, which I paid for, and moved in with him.  She was always a focused person and so level headed, but her entire personality changed when she met him.  Also, she had always been heavy and lost about 100 pounds.  This is the first male to ever show her attention.  So now she sits at his house all day.  She wants to be a police officer, but is only looking near his house, a very tiny town with little chance for growth.  Our relationship is now very strained.  It is very hard for me to not try to give her advice and I am worried about this man's motives.  I recently found out she is the third young girl, though legal, he has swooned from the team he is coaching.  When I confronted her with this info she told me the previous girls were just his friends.  Whenever I try to talk to her she gets very defensive and usually just hangs up.  Should I just give up and let her find out on her own or keep trying even though she obviously does not want my advice?

Answer
Hi Linda, You may be right that this is not the man for her. You also have full emotional right to be in pain knowing that this man is not right for her, But she thinks she is happy so you in reality have no choice.

Be happy for her for now, that she is happy and feels good about her. She is still young in couple of months she may know the reality about him  and then she will seek your advise. So you will have your time to give her advise.  in the mean time i would suggest you to take some lessons on empathy.  Showing Empathy  with her will make your conversation with her a bit smoother.

Feel free to email me at  transformlifestyle@gmail.com

Sharma
http://www.Transformlifestyle.com