Navigating Divorce After Infidelity and Family Conflict

Question
I just got a divorce. We were married 12 years.My husband and I had a very hard time at the end of our marrage. He had gotten into some trouble and went to prison for about a year in a half. And when he did that he caused alot of anger to my family (brothers and sisters) He worked for my brother and decided to put drugs in my brothers truck. So just with that I am sure you can see the whole problem...that it caused I got accused and talked about in my family. Thats one thing that I would never have done to my family. I went through hell for him. I love my husband I stood by his side. Even though my brothers and sisters said I should leave him. When he got out of prison. He was diffrent with from me...at least thats what I felt. I was so angry at him too. for all the crap i had to take because of him. He would not even sleep with me. So During that time I started to work at a new job. I started to talk to someone there. I ended having a affair with this man. When my husband found out he wanted to change but I was so mad that it ended up that I had to have a affair to get him to want to change and to notice me. I really do love him. But I felt dirty. And said alot of things I should have not said to him. Well he ended leaving 5 months ago. ASA he got a better job. I miss him alot...During this time we saw eachother for about a month. We were like lovers But I was just happy to hold him in my arms. He gets mad when he finds out that I go out. But he has told me plenty of times that he does not want to be with me that he can not forgive me for letting our children meet the man I had the affair with. I know that I F__K up. I regreat it everyday. I just wish that we can make it workout I know he is not happy and neither our we without him. How can i get him to forgive me?  

Answer
As you  know, marriage take a lot of work by both partners. When one or both aren't willing to do the work, the marriage is doomed. Jail time, infidelities, etc., each take their toll. If you both can sit down, make a list of problems needing solving, get some consensus and start working through them together, you might have a chance if there is enough love left. If not it is probably time to simply stay "moved on."

Bill